Study Shows That Horny Adults Live Longer Lives

NY Post - What could your love life now mean for your end of life later?

A study published in the journal PLOS One suggests that men with a low libido are almost twice (1.82 times) as likely to suffer an early death.

Researchers from Yamagata University studied more than 20,000 people — 8,558 males and 12,411 females — in Japan for over a decade, to examine links between sexual interest and “all-cause” mortality, including cardiovascular and cancer.

Articles like this come across my desk once a day. Every time I see one I think, "Maybe I should blog it". It has all the necessary clickbaity key words. Horny & death always play on the blog. Especially horny. You can set your watch to it. If a blog title has a horny implication, then it's going to do decent numbers. Barstool Sports has been milking that cow for decades. Every Sunday I vomit up a bunch of random thoughts onto a blog, and post them alongside hot women in minimal clothing. It's one of my most clicked blogs every week. It's a cheap, easy way for me to keep my views up.

Yamagata University, the school that conducted this "study", is no better than any Barstool Sports blogger who's using sex to drive clicks. They would like you to believe that they just discovered something new.

"Oh my goodness, can you believe this? Based on these findings, men who have high sex drives actually live longer! How crazy! Turns out being horny is good for you!"

Sounds great to me. If being horny is going to make me live longer, I'll snort a gas station dick pill every morning before I leave for work. Finally something I can snort that's good for me. 

But no, that's bullshit. You didn't discover shit, Japan. Just think about what this study is actually saying. It's the most obvious conclusion of all time. I don't know a lot about anything, but one thing I do know is that a good sex drive is the sign of a healthy adult. Healthy adults live longer. The 25-year old man who takes multi-vitamins and works out 5 times a week is more likely to have a healthy sex drive than the 30 year old blogger who adheres to a strict diet of Five Guys and Strawberry Banana Vape. Guess which person is going to live longer? A good sex drive is a result of being healthy, not a cause of it.

This stupid Japanese University took the time to study 20,000 subjects over the course of a decade to prove that healthy adults live a longer life. Are we just doing research for the sake of doing research? Are we doing research for clicks now? Whenever Yamagata University started this study, they knew exactly what the results would be. They made a blatantly obvious hypothesis, ran the data, then patted themselves on the back when they proved themselves right.

I think the entire goal of this study was to publish a horny headline that would get picked up by a publication like the NY Post (or Barstool Sports). Well congratulations Yamagata University, you accomplished your goal. Your study contributed nothing to society, but for the next 12 hours you will be receiving a very slight pump in notoriety, as your findings are published on smut-peddling websites across the internet.