A Child Was Swallowed By A Hippo And Somehow Came Back Out Unscathed
(Source)- It's a miracle similar to the Biblical story of Jonah who was swallowed by a fish and later vomited, a two year old boy in Katwe Kabatoro town council in Kasese district was also swallowed and later vomited by a hippopotamus.
According to Police spokesperson Fred Enanga, the boy Paul Yiga was swallowed by a hippo having been left unattended to by his parents. Enanga said a hippo strayed from Lake Katwe and found the boy playing before it swallowed him.
The hippo would later vomit the boy and dived back into the lake. The boy was then rushed to Bwera hospital for treatment. He later gained consciousness and was discharged from hospital.
I've been on the hippopotamus beat at Barstool Sports since that slut Fiona at the Cincinnati Zoo started fucking her step-father. I haven't missed a hippopotamus story since (unless it involves a dead hippo, or someone dying because I'm not allowed to blog those). It's positive hippo news only from John Rich, Barstool Sports Hippo Blogger.
I'm going to consider this hippo story out of Katwe Kabatoro a positive one, as it's about a kid who was given a new lease on life. Hopefully our editors see it the same way.
The beautifully named village of Katwe Kabatoro is located in the country of Uganda. I only know two things about Uganda - they have hippos, and they have kids.
About once a year this statistic comes across my desk, and it shocks me every time. Hippos are estimated to kill roughly 500 people in Africa every year. Yikes-a-mundo. And they can run 19 mph. To put that in perspective, if you can run a 4.0 second 40-yard dash, you're going 18.8 mph. That means if at any point in time you see a hippo, and that hippo decides he wants you dead, then you're dead. I suppose you can duck inside a house or something. But hippos adult hippos weigh 3,000 pounds. I would imagine the hippo could run directly through the wall of whatever dwelling you find yourself hiding in.
The Won Ton Don was cheating death when he swam with the hippos (went hippo mode) for this video.
The story of this child is actually very scary, and unlike most of my blogs, I don't really want to make light of it. It's hard to even make sense of what happened. The story says the child was playing alone by the lake, a hippo swallowed him (whole), and a man who had witnessed what happened threw rocks at the hippo until he spit out the kid. You'd think a 3,000 pound hippo wouldn't even flinch at a measly rock. I feel like it would barely flinch if you shot him in the face. The Yankees should send a scout over to Uganda and give this kid a tryout, because he must have a howitzer for an arm.
But that's an undeniably harrowing experience for this child. As a 2 year old, it's possible being eaten by a hippo is going to be his first memory. Imagine your first memory being this.
Beyond terrifying. Hopefully it builds character. If you can survive that you can survive anything.
The silver lining here is that this kid is going to have an amazing story to tell. Imagine you end up in a college class with him. On the first day, the teacher is going around the room asking for interesting facts about everyone. Someone says that they we're born in Canada. Another person says that they ride horses. You make a up a lie about being bitten by a shark (I knew someone who used to always do that). But then this kid (who I'm assuming will have a name by then), comes over the top with, "I was eaten by a hippo". The class would stop for 15 minutes while everyone tried to process how that could possibly be something that happened. He ends up having the teacher pull up this Barstool Sports article for the class as proof. He becomes the coolest kid in school and ends up fucking your girlfriend.
Consider this blog a PSA regarding hippos. Don't fuck with them. You probably aren't going to end up with a cool story. You'll be a dead.