The Tage Thompson Kick Ass Tour Is Rolling Through Columbus, Puts Up 4 Goals And 5 Points In The First Period
Ben Jackson. Getty Images.Tage Thompson has arrived. He's here. He's 9 feet tall. He's got bones made out of tree trunks. And this sick bastard is leaving a wake of pure carnage and destruction behind him. The latest victims to find themselves directly on the path of his Kick Ass Tour?
RIP to the Columbus Blue Jackets.
Top of the circle. Powerplay. 100 em pee aytch clapper that almost rips through the back of the net to complete the hat trick in just over 12 minutes of game time. How arrrrrre ya? What a freak. What a menace to society. And somehow he wasn't even done yet.
This guy rules so hard. An assist to start the night and then 4 out of the next 5 goals. Unreal. On the other side of the coin, the Columbus Blue Jackets might just be the most pathetic organization in all of sports. Down 6-0 in the 1st period to the Buffalo Sabres? The NHL seriously needs to consider adding relegation because these sorry sacks of shit can't be serious. They go out and sign Johnny Gaudreau to a 7-year, $9.75M AAV contract this summer. They gave Patrik Laine a 4-year, $8.7M extension. They extended Merzlikins. And holy shit this team sucks so hard. Clearly they're tanking for Bedard but even by tanking standards, that's pathetic.
Either way, Tage Thompson fucks and he fucks hard. The Columbus Blue Jackets had to find that out the hard way tonight, and they're only 1 period through the game. God I love this mutant. Can't wait to see Tage Thompson wearing the red, white, and blue the next time NHL players are allowed to play in the Olympics. Slap a 'C' on his chest.