A Professionally-Trained Actor's Breakdown Of UCF Kicker Colton Boomer's Oscar-Worthy Flop
First of all, Colton Boomer has some sick flow going on underneath that lid, and my word, what a leading-man, first-team All-American name guy if I've ever seen one.
Colton Boomer. Dude, if kicking doesn't work out, I’m telling you: Get the fuck out of Central Florida, speed off with middle fingers in the air on a cross-country road trip to LA and yell at all your stupid friends, "SEE YOU ON THE BIG SCREEN, LOSERS!!" Because you’re so far ahead of the curve.
Although this didn’t actually result in a penalty, it’s the effort that counts. I’m stunned the Knights didn’t get this call. So anyway, time to get a little acting nerdy and inside baseball about this FOOTBALL player and burgeoning thespian. My master’s degree in acting makes me uniquely qualified for this niche post.
Colton Boomer is already showing off skill in what we like to call stage combat. The idea is to simulate physicality with your scene partner without actually hitting them. My buddy and I worked on Angels in America one time. I had to punch him in the face, and then he had to slam against a table and fall to the ground. We were so convincing that the teacher got up and said “OH NO!” And her glasses fell to the floor and broke. Zero contact and zero injuries on our end. THAT’S ACTING BAY-BEEEE.
But I digress. Boomer receives a mere glancing blow from a Navy guy and, well, I get wanting to sell out to the officials and build your case that you’re a mere kicker and this guy plays for freaking NAVY and is a hard-ass. I see what you’re going for there, Boomer. OK, Boomer? I see you. Manipulating your scene partner on this grand stage of the gridiron to get what you want. Well fucking played. I’m impressed.
The best part of this whole one-man show BY FAR is the theatricality. Sometimes you have to “fake it till you make it” and just because you aren’t “feeling something” on the inside doesn’t mean you can’t put forth an awards-season darling of a performance.
Without knowing it, or so I would assume, Colton Boomer is mixing Expressionist and heightened melodrama with his movement here. The sharp, pained, angular frustration of being a kicker and even being contacted by ANYONE is on full display when he rips his body across the turf in an agonized rollover motion. He even thrusts his being into another full rotation. Then, we get the hammed-up, grand finale of flailing of the arms to stick the mothafuckin’ landing to this entire piece of art.
No one has dared mixed these styles of acting to such staggering degrees of efficacy since Nicolas Cage in Vampire's Kiss.
Bravo, Colton Boomer. Standing ovation. You deserve a gold statue.
What's with UCF kickers and their ability to entertain by the way? I went down a rabbit hole researching this and it appears ex-Knights kicker Donald De La Haye has over five million YouTube subscribers and quit football to pursue that full-time.