Jerry Springer Suggests He's Going to Hell for His Trashy Show and We Must Not Stand for Such Blasphemy

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There are not many of us who can get through this life and truly say we made a difference in the world. That we had enough of a gravitational pull to affect the orbits of those around us, brought true change to the culture, and that our time here left and impact on others. 

But upon the short list of those who can say they've had an affect on the world as a whole, the name of Jerry Springer most definitely belongs. 

How many countless lives has he affected? How many millions did he expose to such under-discussed aspects of society as gender fluidity, pornography, incest, adultery, out-of-wedlock births, Kung Fu Hillbillies and women who have have intercourse with 300 men in a 10-hour span?

Who else can lay claim to such a career? No one. Not Oprah. Not Judge Judy. Not Jay Leno. Not Dr. Phil. No one but this utterly unique man. If only he could appreciate how a grateful nation reveres him for the influence he's had upon it. But alas, that is not the case:

Source - Jerry Springer is afraid his talk show may have reserved him a spot in the fiery pit of hell [and] that his 28-season show might have ruined pop culture. 

Springer, 78, made the comments while appearing on David Yontef’s “Behind the Velvet Rope” podcast.  

When asked if he considers himself the “granddad of reality TV,” The British-American former host joked: “No, I just apologize. I’m so sorry. What have I done? I’ve ruined the culture.”

“I just hope hell isn’t that hot because I burn real easy. I’m very light-complected, and that kind of worries me.”

Even with that charming bit of self-deprecation at the end there, you hate to see a towering figure who has not only accomplished so much, but also carved a niche in mass entertainment that has been imitated by so many, run himself down like that. Jerry Springer should be walking through these, his golden years, in triumph. Bestriding this narrow world like a Colossus. Being celebrated with parades, celebrations, honorifics. Not feeling terrible and worrying about eternal damnation. 

One can not imagine what staying home from school or being unemployed would've been like without him. What were layabouts supposed to do while slurping down Count Chocula and ripping bong hits in the 90s and 2000s? Watch Ellen dance with Drew Barrymore? There was Trailer Park Trash to get to know. Strippers to watch work. Hair to be pulled. Slaps to be delivered.

And above all else, nothing less than the whole human experience to be presented:

Jerry Springer didn't ruin our culture. He pointed a camera at a culture that was long since ruined beyond all hope, and made us see just how terrible the human race is. And always with a smile and a Final Thought. If a man like that goes to Inferno, how many of us would really prefer heaven? We wouldn't know anybody there. 

So stop running yourself down, good sir. You made yourself the forever king of daytime garbage TV. That is more than billions of us will ever do in our lifetimes. 

Here's this Jerry's Final Thought: See you in heaven, I hope.