Sad Day In Disney, Woman In Skimpy Bikini NOT Given Free T-Shirt
The latest viral trend that we have certainly all heard about (because we are still young) is, "Wear a skimpy bikini and walk into Disney World so they give you a free t-shirt."
Unfortunately, a TikToker named Heleni (@heleniofficial), learned the hard way that Disney World is cracking down on their, "give hot girls free memorabilia to cover their boobs" policy .
This is horrible news for my friend Jesse. Jesse got fired from his position at Fairwinds Credit Union in Orlando last year and has been working the ticket gate at Magic Kingdom ever since. Jesse is actually the man who came up with the "Give Hot Girls Free Memorabilia To Cover Their Boobs" policy.
When he first came up with the idea, a lot of his co-workers at the front gate were upset with him. They said, "What the hell man, we love looking at boobs, what are you trying to cover them up for?"
But Jesse had the vision. He said, "Think about it, we only get to see the hot girls when they're walking into the park anyways. Only 1 in 20 age-appropriate women with nice racks even wear skimpy bikinis. It's not like we're drowning in tits at the entrance to Magic Kingdom. But if we start handing out free souvenir shirts to the girls who are wearing revealing tops, then word will spread, and next thing we know, we'll be flooded with beautiful women in tight swimsuits. Then WE will get to hand deliver them free t-shirts, and WE will get to watch them put them on"
It was working great for a while. Jesse was meeting a ton of women. He even started hanging out at the Magic Kingdom front gate on his off days to help monitor the boobs situation.
But they flew too close to the sun. Disney World was losing more money in merch sales than Dave Portnoy on Cyber Monday. Disney had to make a choice. They would either have to go through a round of severe budget cuts, or nix Jesse's "Give Hot Girls Free Memorabilia To Cover Their Boobs" policy. Sadly, they chose the latter, and Heleni (@heleniofficial) found out the hard way.
But the real victims are Jesse and his homies at the gate. For months, they proudly patrolled the entrance of the Magic Kingdom in their dark sunglasses, giving 60 second ocular pat downs to beautiful women, determining if they qualified for a free Mickey Mouse t-shirt. For months, they had it made. For months, they were gods. But their time in the sun has come to an end. Now, any woman who doesn't want to turn around at the gate and make the hour long walk back to their car to fetch a child-appropriate shirt, will be arriving to Disney World in an oversized tee.
On a good day, Jesse might catch a few halter tops, but they're few and far between. No woman wants to take that risk anymore. Jesse's "Give Hot Girls Free Memorabilia To Cover Their Boobs" policy was a stroke of genius... but only for a while. In the end, it was too good to be true.
Pour one out for Jesse.