Here's What Each NFL Team Would Smell Like If They Were A Fragrance (Part 1: AFC North)
San Francisco Chronicle/Hearst Newspapers via Getty Images. Getty Images.As a cologne connoisseur I have decided to start a little series called "Jerry Fragrance", and so far I am loving it. I am 5 episodes in and the feedback has been really solid so I definitely will keep doing them.
I started getting into cologne when I was about 21 and haven't stopped using it since then. I have some really good ones and a few really shitty ones that I regret purchasing but that's what you get when you don't get to sample them in person.
This will be an 8 part blog, so for each blog I will drop one episode of Jerry Fragrance. Here is the first one.
To go along with these episodes, I will compare each NFL to a cologne since football is another one of my passions. First up we have the AFC North. Here are the standings as of 11/8/2022.
The Pittsburgh Steelers sit at the bottom of the division and deservedly so. They have one of the league's worst offenses, averaging 15 points a game. That isn't going to win you many football games. They are playing like shit so they deserve to smell like shit. For the Steelers we are going with Brut. Anything you buy from a Walgreens should not be used on your neck. Retailing at under $8, this is not something you want to use at any point in your life. This is what we call bottom of the barrel.
Next up is the Cleveland Browns. The Browns are currently third place in the AFC North but they have a record of 2-1 in their division. They have wins over the Cincinnati Bengals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. They have given up 199 points so far this NFL season which ranks last in the division. If I had to bet on this I would be confident saying the Browns will not make the playoffs this year. They do deserve a better fragrance than the Steelers though.
We are going to go with Noir by Bath and Body Works retailing at $39.50 for the Browns. This could work in a pinch but it is not ideal. You do not want to wear this on a first date.This Scent has a 13 percent success rate as recent studies have shown. Getting to 1st base will be an uphill battle.
Lets move on to the Cincinnati Bengals. Sitting in 2nd place behind the Baltimore Ravens, the Bengals have shown flashes of last years Super Bowl run. Yes, they are really inconsistent but if they click at the right time who knows what could happen. Something that stands out to me is the Bengals have yet to win a divisional game. They are 0-3 with losses against the Steelers, Ravens , and Browns.
This is a tough one for me. I want to give them a really crappy scent but they are in 2nd place in the AFC north. The cologne we are going to go with is ETHIKA for guys. I recently did a review on this. It retails for about $90 a bottle, which in my opinion is over priced and over hyped similar to the Cincinnati Bengals.
Last up we have the Baltimore Ravens who stand alone on top of the AFC North. They are 6-3 with a divisional record of 2-0. The Ravens are well on their way to an AFC North Championship title. With the acquisition of Roquan Smith it seems like the Ravens are all in on making a run at the Lombardi this year. They are the Cream of the Crop when it comes to football in the north. They deserve to smell incredible.
The Fragrance I want to compare them to is one of my favorites. Paco Rabanne 1 million. Retailing for around $100 bucks, Paco sure does get the job done. It is a very versatile fragrance. it could get you to second base or you can hit a home run depending on what you are looking to get into on the night. Same goes for the Ravens, they could win games on the offensive or defensive side of the ball.
Thats a wrap for the AFC North. Like I mentioned earlier this is an 8 part blog, every blog will coincide with a new episode of
"Jerry Fragrance"