The Eagles' Almost-Loss To The Texans Proves They're Not As Good As The Bills Or Chiefs (A Marty Mush-Inspired Blog)
This is a Marty Mush inspired blog and I think I have to clarify where I'm going with this from the top because when you write a Marty Mush inspired blog it better have the same good writing voice and command of English that Marty Mush has. By that I mean there is a maverick approach to punctuation to the point where you probably are speaking into a voice text recorder instead of typing on a keyboard as you're writing a blog and not even bothering to edit anything after you're done.
Getting to the point of what this blog is I was moved by Marty's blog yesterday about how the Eagles aren't elite because they haven't beaten anyone truly good yet. Then I saw them struggle against the Texans in Houston Thursday night and I thought hey what a possibly hot take it might be to say even though the Eagles haven't lost yet maybe their struggles in Houston mean they aren't actually on the Chiefs or Bills level. Levels? I don't know but anyway moving on gotta stay stream of consciousness here so as not to shatter the illusion of blogging in a different skin.
If you read my NFL power rankings from yesterday you'd see I had the Eagles as an undeniable number 1 or so I called them and I had the Texans in dead last at 32nd out of 32 teams I was redundant there on purpose geez I almost passed out from using such a big word.
The game was closer than expected 29-17 and the Texans covered the spread so maybe I had the Eagles too high and the Texans too low but then again maybe not. Anyway that was just a thought that popped into my head, Big Cat has been advising Rico Bosco on good topics to blog and basically told him a while back that any thought that pops into your head don't think just blog it so I figured I'd try my hand at that. I don't have any stats handy and I think any of the ones I post here would be seen as too basic. OK never mind I found some just real quick wanted to post them. The Eagles have the second best point differential in the league at +90 and the Texans are third worst at -52 but since the Bills are at +105 and the Chiefs are at +52 with a tougher schedule I don't know maybe that does actually prove my point that the Eagles aren't on their level and oh yeah the NFC seems like a worse conference but that's just my two cents.
Anyway to the bigger picture of Marty, I'm happy Marty has taken such a hardline positive stance on Baker Mayfield because I really hyped up the Panthers as a sleeper team before the year but now Marty is on Baker's nuts and for that I'm very grateful. Baker may not be a top 15 QB but that won't stop Marty from insisting as much even going to lengths to say that Baker lining up as a scout team defensive end in practice shows his leadership and hints at a changed man who will make the most of his next chance prove the haters wrong and use that chip on his shoulder to have success again as a starting QB.
I hesitate to talk too much shit about Marty because he's a big guy here at Barstool and dwarfs me in status and social media following and quantifiable metrics like that other than blogging numbers and I'm basically a fucking nobody and I won't even bother to plug my pathetic TikTok at the bottom of this post. You could read this blog and think wow this guy is pathetic and just trying to bait for attention and gain clout at the company but no I'm only looking out for the quality of the blog that's all. After all too by the way Marty has been nothing but nice to me and was one of the six interviews I had to clear before I got hired at Barstool to do a job that I basically got fired for and you could argue I had one of those classic failing upward stories but I also have to say that people should stick to their strengths and in my opinion I don't think writing is a Marty Mush strength. I don't think that's breaking news to the Stoolie community and that's OK because he does other things at Barstool I'm just pointing that out and I feel like you can still have a good positive vibe with someone and have a healthy opposite take from them on something related to sports when you think they're wrong.
But who knows maybe writing in this type of way is a groundbreaking avant-garde approach to the blogging medium and will catch on and will have people clamoring for a lesser caliber of writing so long as you can at least get some basic facts laid down and can garner hate clicks just for people to comment on how bad you are at writing what do I know though I don't know anything didn't Socrates say something like that? The Greek philosopher or was he Roman he said something like the first step to true knowledge is to admit that you know nothing…dot dot dot huh I don't know I'm voice recording this entire mountain of text so I can't be bothered to Google it and I don't want to after the fact because it takes away some of the free-flowing spontaneity of this whole thing and I already broke that up with the stats from before.
Anyway hope you all have a good day and go Panthers go Baker go Yankees dynasty and editors please don't get upset at me I'm only having a little bit of fun on a Friday and noticed you didn't schedule my two other submitted blogs yet so I decided to change it up a bit to maybe move up the queue hope you like and I just want to make sure that our quality vs quantity approach to the blog keeps the same energy for everyone I'm big on egalitarianism when it comes to the blog and stuff like that.