John Rich's AFC South Predictions (Bold)
David J Phillip. Shutterstock Images.First and foremost, I am an Indianapolis Colts fan. I've been riding the Neigh-Train ever since I was a young horse. The first football jersey I ever owned was a #4 Jim Harbaugh Colts jersey. It came with a plastic Colts helmet. That helmet might still be at my parents to this day.
However, on top of being a Colts fan, I am also an AFC South fan. I've always considered myself a bit of an AFC South aficionado. I love all things AFC South.
In no particular order, here are my favorite things about the AFC South:
- Colts hanging an AFC Finalist banner
- Re-using that same joke online every time someone does anything
- Screaming "NEIGH" at Colts games, NEIGHing at other Colts fans when I see them in the street
- Mark Brunell, Byron Leftwich, David Garrard, Blaine Gabbert, Chad Henne, Blake Bortles, Gardner Minshew
- Jaguars' Mascot Jackson Deville
- Colts owner, Jim Irsay tweeting about whether or not the roof will be open
- Having a .500 record late into the season and still having a chance to win the division
- The Saturday, 1pm NFL Playoff Wildcard Game
- Different shades of the color blue
- All "AFC South" teams being in entirely different regions of the country
- The Jim Easterby guy Texans front office who does stand-up comedy and is a bad person
- Jacksonville Jaguars Lady
- The Jacksonville Jaguars Pool
When I lay it all out there, I might just be a Jaguars fan. If you set aside the fact they are bad at football, the Jags are a very fun team to root for. Sure, if you watch them play, they'll most likely lose 17-6. But you can't say they give you nothing to cheer for when they open the game with Jaxson De Ville bungee jumping onto the fired.
The Texans and the Titans are two of the most boring teams going (not that the Colts are much better). The AFC South is just a remarkably unremarkable division. But it's a division you can count on. A division that is undeniably in the AFC. I've been watching AFC South football since it's birth in 2003. Due to my extensive AFC South experience, I am confident that I can tell you exactly how the rest of the season will go for all 4 teams.
Houston Texans (1-4-1)
Week 8: Titans 0 @ Texans 20
The Texans get a surprisingly easy victory over a Tennessee Titans team that simply did not show up. The Texans score 6 field goals + a safety, and their defense gives up less than 100 total yards. They move to 2-4-1.
Week 9: Eagles 10 @ Texans 18
Texans kicker Ka'imi Fairbairn has another career day, going 6/6 on FG's once again. This marks the second week in a row that Fairbairn has outscored the opponent by himself. Texans are now 3-4-1.
Week 10: Texans 16 @ Giants 15
The world has learned that Ka'imi Fairbairn's full name is John Christian Ka'iminoeauloameka'ikeokekumupa'a Fairbairn. Now everyone loves him even more. He has a modest game going 3-3 (although one kick was from 59 yards). The Texans are finally able to score an offensive touchdown. They hold off the Giants and improve to 4-4-1.
Week 11: Commanders 9 @ Texans 10
Ka'imi Fairbairn has become a full blown celebrity in Houston. There are viral videos all over the place of people attempting to say his full name. ESPN does a profile on his hometown of Kailua, Hawaii. Everyone in the crowd wears leis to the game.
Against the Commanders, he doesn't get a field goal attempt until the last play of the 4th quarter. Down 2 to with 3 seconds to play, the Texans line up for a 60 yarder to win the game. From dead center of the Texans midfield logo, Ka'imi drills the kick through the uprights. It would have been good from 75 yards .
Ka'imi-mania is in full effect. It's like Linsanity on steroids.. Houston BBQ's turn into Hawaiian BBQ's, and Houston public schools start offering Hawaiian as a foreign language. Ka'imi Fairbairn is the most beloved player in all of Texas. Texans move to 5-4-1.
Week 12: Texans 9 @ Dolphins 9 (Hula Hoop/OT)
Instead of flipping a coin to start the game, Ka'imi Fairbairn and Tua Tagovailoa roast a pig on a stick to determine possession. It's a close game. Ka'imi kicks for both teams. He goes 3-3 for both sides. The offenses play terribly, but nobody seems to mind. The game is less about competition, and more about celebrating Hawaii.
The 4th quarter ends in a 9-9 tie. Instead of playing overtime, Ka'imi and Tua have a hula hoop competition to decide the victor. The competition lasts for hours. They've been hula hooping their entire lives, and are both world-class athletes (they're very good). After 4 hours of hula hooping, Ka'imi and Tua come to an agreement. They relax their hips, and the hula hoops fall to the ground. They give each other a firm "Aloha", and the game ends in a tie.
After the game, instead of swapping jerseys, Ka'imi and Tua do the Rocket Power handshake and swap sea turtles. The Texans move to 5-4-2.
Week 13: Browns 7 @ Volcanoes 15
On Monday, the Houston Texans announce that they are officially changing their team name to the Houston Volcanoes.
Ted Cruz, draped in flowers and wearing a hula skirt, holds a press conference and dubs Houston "The Mahalo City".
The Volcanoes host the Browns in Deshaun Watson's first game back from his suspension. Watson returning to play against his former team should have made for an especially hostile environment. But the Volcanoes are about peace, love, and ho'ihi. Instead of booing him, they say a traditional Hawaiian prayer when he walks onto the field.
Ka'imi kicks 5 field goals in a Volcanoes win. Volcanoes move to 6-4-2.
Week 14: Volcanoes 0 @ Cowboys 38
The Volcanoes travel to Dallas to play in front of a hostile Cowboys crowd. Jerry Jones has come out as staunchly anti-Hawaiian. He has been pushing anti-Hawaii propaganda for weeks. It's the first time Ka'imi has experienced this type of negativity from an opposing crowd. Boos reign down upon him when he surfs onto the field for the opening kick-off. His first field goal attempt comes from 42 yards, and he kicks it directly into his offensive line. He goes on to miss 2 more kicks, and finishes the game 0/3 on FG's. The Cowboys' fans laugh maniacally, and relentlessly heckle Ka'imi. They go on to get destroyed by the Cowboys. Volcanoes fall to 6-5-2.
Week 15: Chiefs 34 @ Volcanoes 2
Ka'imi receives a warm Hawaiian welcome from The Mahalo City crowd. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to help. Ka'imi has the yips. Every ball he kicks takes a sharp left turn. He goes 0/4 and the Volcanoes get embarrassed by the Chiefs. The crowd is silent after the game. Nobody knows how to react. Volcanoes fall to 6-6-2.
Week 16: Volcanoes 7 @ Titans 42
It's a somber week in Houston. Everyone in the town is forced to take a long hard look at what they have done. Hundreds of years of Texas tradition thrown out the window because of one Hawaiian kicker. Their rodeos have been replaced by wave pools. The Texans' cheerleaders replaced by Hula Girls. Houston is a ghost town. Everyone is hidden in their homes recovering from a 2-month long Hawaiian hangover.
What have we done? - Houston, TX
The team travels to Tennessee. The vibes are way off. The Titans run the triple option down the Volcanoes throats. The Volcanoes put Ka'imi at quarterback and refuse to block for him. He gets sacked 12 times and suffers a half-dozen concussions. Volcanoes fall to 6-7-2.
Week 17: Jaguars 21 @ Texans 14
Ted Cruz holds another press conference. This time in Stetson boots, Wrangler jeans, and a 10-gallon hat. He passes a bill that renames the team the Houston Texans and signs an order to make Colt McCoy the permanent starting quarterback.
The Texans start to look like themselves again. Although they don't come away with the victory, Colt McCoy throws a couple of nice touchdown passes to Rex Burkhead, and Houston begins the healing process. Texans fall to 6-8-2.
Week 18: Texans @ Colts
The Texans travel to Indianapolis to take on the Colts in front of a crowd of PETA supporters.
The Colts come out on fire. Everyone on Indianapolis plays like their jobs are on the line, and Matt Ryan throws for nearly 500 yards. The Texans end the year 6-9-2.
Despite the poor finish, Houston finishes the season with their heads held high, because they finished the season as Texans.
Indianapolis Colts (3-3-1)
Week 8: Commanders 16 @ Colts 27
Sam Ehlinger shines in his debut. The Colts get right with a big win over Taylor Heinicke and the Washington Commanders. Colts move to 4-3-1.
Week 9: Colts 20 @ Patriots 17
Sam Ehlinger suffers a gruesome leg injury on the opening drive. It's so bad that they don't even show the replay. The video doesn't even make its way to Twitter. It truly can't be found anywhere. The footage was wiped off the internet entirely. Ehlinger is carted off, and Matt Ryan comes back into the game. Ryan goes 37-68 for 213 yards and 0 TD's. The Colts win, but the game is overshadowed by the mysterious missing footage of Sam Ehlinger's leg being snapped in half.
After the game, it is reported that Ehlinger is in stable condition. It was a clean break, which is actually the best case scenario. He'll make a full recovery, and will possibly be back on the field next year. People start demanding that the injury video is released. He's going to be ok, so why can't we see it? It would be one thing if he had to get his leg amputated, but that's not the case. Yes, it probably looked horrific, but I'm sure they've showed injuries equally as bad. Remember Kevin Ware? Colts move to 5-3-1.
Week 10: Colts 14 @ Raiders 16
Despite a strong performance in Week 9 following the Ehlinger Incident, Matty Ice can't get it going against the Raiders. He completes just 34 of 76 passes, and fails to account for a TD yet again. Colts move to 5-4-1
Week 11: Eagles 15 @ Colts 24
With Sam Ehlinger out for at least a year, and Matt Ryan struggling, the Colts sign free agent QB Cam Newton to their roster. He is instantly named the starter. He arrives to Lucas Oil Stadium on Sunday morning wearing a 19th century hoop skirt, and 2 sombreros stacked on top of each other. He is also wearing a shirt that says "NEIGH" across the front. The "NEIGH" shirt is from the Barstool Sports Store.
The Colts defense dominates the Eagles. For the 4th week in a row, they hold their opponent to under 20 points. Cam Newton looks like he's been playing with the team all year. Colts move to 6-4-1.
Week 12: Steelers 3 @ Colts 30
This week, every player on the Colts shows up to the game with a NEIGH shirt. Every other person in the crowd is wearing a NEIGH shirt as well. NEIGH has officially become the Colts new team saying.
Powered by the word NEIGH, Cam Newton and his stable of receivers light up the Steelers' secondary. The game is never in doubt, and the Colts improve to 7-4-1.
Week 13: Colts 28 @ Cowboys 18
The entire Colts team takes the field on horseback. There are over 70 horses on the field. It's a real slap in the face to the Cowboys. The Cowboys could have done the horse thing too, but they didn't think of it in time. The Colts are now undisputedly the predominant horse team in the NFL now (Broncos 2nd, Cowboys 3rd, Texans 4th). Cam Newton lets his horse call the opening coin toss - he correctly chooses, tails.
The Colts stampede down the field on the opening drive, and never look back. Colts move to 8-4-1.
Week 14: BYE
Troubling news comes out of Indianapolis during the bye week. The 70+ horses that Colts' owner Jim Irsay bought for his team are not being properly cared for. The "state-of-the-are horse stable" Irsay claimed he had built, is nothing but a cold damp basement underneath the stadium. Pictures of the "stable" come to light. They are not good. It's a dark, concrete room stuffed with clydesdales. They're packed shoulder to shoulder. Horse poop is starting to pile up. The police report states that Jim Irsay would visit the horses once per day to feed them seed, and spray them down with a hose.
In the midst of everything, the Colts PR team releases the Sam Ehlinger injury tape. It's a clear attempt at distracting the world from the far worse animal cruelty allegations they are now facing. But the Ehlinger video is very underwhelming. There is no reason it should have been kept secret. Sure it was bad, but pretty much everyone agrees it wasn't as bad as when they showed Tua get the concussion earlier this year.
The Colts have quickly gone from the most loved to the most hated team in the NFL.
NEIGH shirts are taken off the Barstool Sports Store. John Rich has his t-shirt commissions revoked.
Week 15: Colts 0 @ Vikings 63
With no horses to ride in on, and the entire country against them, the Colts give a poor performance in Week 15. Kirk Cousins, who grew up riding horses, takes his anger out on the Colts defense. It's the greatest game of Cousins career. He gives a tearful post game press conference. He announces that he will be donating the remainder of his contract to the Horse Foundation.
After the game, Cam Newton retires from football. Colts drop to 8-5-1.
Week 16: Chargers 26 @ Colts 3
Record low attendance at Lucas Oil Stadium as Matt Ryan starts the game for a lifeless Colts squad. The game is never close. The whole Colts organization is under investigation. The players claim they had no clue that the horses were being mistreated, but public opinion is that they know more than they're willing to admit. The NFL has started the process of removing Jim Irsay as owner. Colts fall to 8-6-1.
Week 17: Colts 32 @ Giants 11
After the game the NFL announced that the Colts will be disbanded as a franchise at years end. The Indianapolis Colts will cease to exist following the 2022-2023 season.
However, the Colts play inspired football. Nobody on the team knows if they will have jobs after the season, so they all bring their A-game. Colts move to 9-6-1.
Week 18: Texans 9 @ Colts 55
Despite everything that's happened with the Colts the last few weeks, they still have a chance to make the playoffs. PETA buys up every single ticket to the game, and gives the tickets to nothing but PETA supporters. They spend the whole game standing in silent protest with their backs facing the field.
Despite this, Matt Ryan, who has announced he will be retiring after the season, plays the game of his life. He completes 68 of 82 passes for 497 yards and 6 TD's. The Colts make the playoffs and finish the regular season 10-6-1.
Tennesse Titans (4-2)
Week 8: Titans 0 @ Texans 20
The Texans come to play and snap the Titans 4-game winning streak. Derrick Henry is completely shut down - he runs for 35 yards on 26 carriers. Tannehill is sacked 6 times and throws 4 interceptions. The Texans kicker, Ka'imi Fairbairn has a career game with 6 made FG's. Titans fall to 4-3.
Week 9: Titans 7 @ Chiefs 38
Another horrible day for the Titans. They still can't get the offense going against a weak Chiefs defense. Derrick Henry has an even worse performance today, carrying for a measly 19 yards on 30 touches. He dropped 4 passes as well. The only Titans touchdown comes off of a scoop and score in garbage time. Titans fall to 4-4.
Week 10: Broncos 10 @ Titans 0
It's the ugliest game of the year, as the Titans offense is shut out for the 3rd week in row. The games only touchdown comes on a Russell Wilson 55-yard run. He celebrates by eating a Dangerwich in the end zone.
Mike Vrabel promises if the Titans offense doesn't score again next week, he will retire from coaching. Titans fall to 4-5.
Week 11: Titans 0 @ Packers 28
The Titans are shutout once again. Derrick Henry goes for -12 yards on 19 carries. Ryan Tannehill throws 5 interceptions. When the clock hits zero, Mike Vrabel sets his headset on the ground, and walks off the field. He doesn't show up for the postgame press conference.
A few hours after the game, he sends a tweet:
"I have never been around a more pathetic group of "athletes" in my entire life. There is not a person in the world who could turn this team around. No skill. No heart. Don't deserve to be in the NFL. Especially Derrick Henry." - Mike Vrabel (@CoachVrabel50)
Bill Belichek (who joined Twitter in week 9 and has been very active since) replies to Vrabel tweet
"Bet" - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
On Monday morning, Belichek resigns from his job as Head Coach of the New England Patriots, and fills Mike Vrabel's position at the helm of Tennessee. The Titans are 4-6.
Week 12: Bengals 9 @ Titans 35
Bill Belichek sends a Tweets a few hours before the game:
"Malik Willis is our team's new starting quarterback" - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
In his first week as head coach, Belichek installs a Navy style triple option offense. The Titans steamroll the Bengals. People are calling it the single greatest week of coaching in the history of sports. Titans get back on track and move to 5-6.
Week 13: Titans 46 @ Eagles: 13
Derrick Henry has a resurgence in Bill Belichek's triple option offense, rushing for 248 yards. It decimates the Eagles defense.
After the game, Belichek tweets:
"What an incredible blessing to be coaching such an outstanding group of men. In all my years of coaching, I have never been around a more impressive group of football players." - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
Titans get back to .500 at 6-6.
Week 14: Jaguars 40 @ Titans 32
Bill Billichek continues conducting all team business publicly over Twitter. Early in the week he makes the announcement:
"I have signed Antonio Brown to our roster. He will be starting this weekend" - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
Antonio Brown does not show up for practice all week. He arrives to the game Sunday on a unicycle. Brown is able to stretch the Jaguars defense, which opens up the triple option even more. He's the perfect addition to Belichek's new system. Antonio Brown is a model teammate.
However, the game itself is overshadowed by a Jaxson De Ville terrorism controversy. The controversy proves to be a distraction for the Titans' crowd, and the spirit of Jaxson De Ville lifts the Jaguars over the Titans.
Antonio Brown posts a selfie with Jaxson De Ville after the game.
Titans fall to 6-7.
Week 15: Titans 31 @ Chargers 10
The Titans get back on track with an easy victory over the chargers. Antonio Brown gets reps in the backfield alongside Derrick Henry. The 3-headed monster of Malik Willis, Derrick Henry, and Antonio Brown is revolutionizing offense in the NFL. Teams around the league have started to incorporate the triple option. Titans are back to .500 at 7-7.
Week 16: Volcanoes 7 @ Titans 42
The Titans host the newly named Houston Volcanoes, but the Volcanoes do not seem interested in playing. They put their kicker at quarterback, and the Titans' defense tees off on him. The Volcanoes o-line is a revolving door. They don't even pretend to block. The Titans move to 8-7.
Week 17: Cowboys 20 @ Titans 35
A half game behind the Colts for the division lead, the Titans face off against a tough Cowboys team. Belichek takes to Twitter before the game to make an announcement
Today we let bygones be bygone. Coach Vrabel is a good man. He did a lot for this community. Remember the good days. Today, we welcome him back to the sideline to make amends - Bill Belichek (BELI_GOAT_6)
Vrabel accepts Belichek's offer and makes his first public appearance since he quit the team. Before the game, Belichek and Vrabel walk onto the field together. Unfortunately for Vrabel, this is not what it seems. As they walk past the goal post, Belichek pulls a pair of handcuffs out of his back pocket, and handcuffs Vrabel to the field goal post. The Titans fans, who were all handed a basket of rotten tomatoes on the way into the stadium, throw their tomatoes at Vrabel. Within seconds Vrabel is covered head to toe in gross rotten tomatoes. He has no choice but to sit there in shame.
They leave Vrabel handcuffed to the field goal post for the entirety of the game, where he is pelted with all sorts of debris for 4 quarters. After the game, Mike Vrabel is arrested for disturbing the peace.
You get what you deserve. We're on to Jacksonville - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
Titans win, and move to 9-7.
Week 18: Titans 45 @ Jaguars 51 (OT)
The winner of this game makes the playoffs. Either as the division winner (if the Colts lose), or as a wildcard. But 10 minutes before the game, there is not a single fan in the stadium. Additionally, Antonio Brown is nowhere to be found.
Where are you? @AB84 - Bill Belichek (@BELI_GOAT_6)
Antonio Brown immediately responds
Look up - Antonio Brown (AB84)
Belichek looks up, and Antonio Brown is falling from the sky. He is tandem skydiving with Jaguars mascot Jaxson De Ville. They've leaped out of the Goodyear Blimp. Antonio Brown and Jaxson De Ville land perfectly at the 50 yard line. As they land, thousands of additional Jaxson De Ville's flood the stadium. There are Jaxson De Ville's coming from every direction. It's pandemonium at TIAA Bank Field. Absolute mayhem. The stands fill in minutes. It's an unprecedented scene in Jacksonville.
The Titans and Jaguars play in what comes to be knows as the Greatest Game Ever Played. The game goes to overtime, and the Titans line up for a 50 yard field goal. But the kick is blocked! The Jaguars pick up the ball and take it to the house. The Jaguars win. All of the Jaxson De Ville's rush the field and join the team in celebration. Belichek can do nothing but tip his cap. What a win for the Jaguars. Titans end the regular season at 9-8.
Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5)
Week 8: Broncos 9 @ Jaguars 3
Trevor Lawrence struggles in an ugly game against the Broncos. The Jaguars' only score comes from a field goal off a Broncos fumble inside of their own 20 yard line. Jaguars fall to 2-6.
Week 9: Raiders 45 @ Jaguars 6
David Carr and Davante Adams unleash hell upon the Jaguars, connecting for 233 yards and 4 TD's. Trevor Lawrence fails to get his team into the end zone for the second consecutive week. Jaguars fall to 2-7.
Week 10: Jaguars 24 @ Chiefs 23
People start to question whether or not Trevor Lawrence can be "the guy". Spirits in Jacksonville are at an all-time low. Jaxson De Ville takes it upon himself to right the ship. Despite this game being played in Kansas City, Jaxson devises a plan. He rents a private jet and flies directly over Arrowhead Stadium before the opening kick. In his most daring stunt yet, Jaxson leaps out of the plane and parachutes into the stadium. Unfortunately, his parachute deploys a second too late. He lands HARD on the 50 yard line.
Agents from the Department of Homeland Security flood into the stadium. Jaxson De Ville didn't clear this stunt with anyone, and they thought it to be an act of terrorism. Agents surround Jaxson De Ville at midfield with their guns drawn.
"HANDS UP! HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!!"
Jaxson De Ville writhes in pain on the ground. He tries to tell them he's not a threat, but with his mascot head on he sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher.
"STOP IT! STOP MOVING! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!
Jaxson goes to take off his mascot head so he can explain himself
"HE'S GOT A GUN!!!"
In a heroic effort, a young up and coming agent looking to prove himself charges Jaxson from behind. He blindsides him with a perfectly executed form tackle.
"THE THREAT HAS BEEN NEUTRALIZED"
The rest of the agents move in and take Jaxson into custody. He spends the night in the Duval County Jail.
The game, which was scheduled for 1PM EST is delayed for hours.
The stadium is evacuated. The Department of Homeland Security still isn't sure what to make of the Jaxson De Ville situation. They thoroughly search the stadium for a bomb, or some sort of additional threat.
Roger Goodell, on the other hand, pushes player safety aside, and insists that the game be played. The Jaguars stay within a touchdown the entire game. Down 6 with 40 seconds left, the Jaguars run a surprise draw on 3rd and 15 from their own 25 yard line. It catches everyone by surprise. Travis Etienne runs 75 yards for a touchdown. The Jaguars knock off the Kansas City Chiefs in an empty stadium. Jaguars move to 3-7.
Week 11: BYE
The Bye could not have come at a better time for the Jaguars. Over the course of the week, it becomes clear that the "terrorist threat" was nothing more than a rogue Jaxson De Ville trying to make a name for himself. Jaguars owner Tony Kahn announces that Jaxson De Ville will no longer be the team mascot, and is banned from all Jaguars team activities. The Jaguars fans will be voting on a new mascot in the coming weeks.
Week 12: Ravens 13 @ Jaguars 38
The Jaguars come out hot agains the Ravens. They shut down Lamar Jackson. It's a Zay Jones coming out party, as the Jags receiver goes for 149 yards and 2 TD's. Trevor Lawrence throws for 370 yards. The Jaguars offense looks brand new. Something finally clicked.
Jaxson De Ville is released from jail. He is cited with felony trespassing, a HEFTY fine, and 10 years of community service. The pilot (who Jaxson De Ville found on Craigslist) faces 6 years in prison and a $650,000 fine for operating an aircraft without the proper license, and flying in a restricted zone. Jaguars move to 4-7.
Week 13: Jaguars 27 @ Lions 23
The Jaguars continue to roll. The offense is clicking. The defense is turning the ball over and making big stops when they need to. Ever since the Jaxson De Ville incident, the Jaguars can do no wrong.
After the game, the Jaguars hold a vote for their new mascot on Twitter. There are 4 choices.
- Jaggo (a live Jaguar)
- Jacksonville based rapper Lil Duval
- The Jagson 5 (a family of 5 who paint their face like jaguars and do choreographed dances)
- Jag-off (a generally rude Jaguar mascot, like the waiter's at Ed Dibevecs or Dick's Last Resort)
None of the mascots receive a single vote, but there are over 100k replies that write-in "Jaxson De Ville"
The Jaguars decide to remain mascot-less for the rest of the season. The Jaguars are 5-7.
Week 14: Jaguars 40 @ Titans 32
It's an offensive slugfest as the Jaguars face-off against Antonio Brown and the Tennessee Titans' triple option offense. But the biggest story is Jaxson De Ville. He travels to Tennessee in a wheelchair. He buys his own ticket, and attempts to wheel himself into the game. Unfortunately, Roger Goodell has banned Jaxson from all NFL events. They won't let him into the stadium. Even the Titans fans are upset. Jaxson has become a sympathetic figure, and a cult hero amongst NFL fans.
Word gets out that Jaxson De Ville is being denied at the gate, and the crowd begins to chant - "LET HIM IN! LET HIM IN! LET HIM IN!"
But nothing works. Jaxson De Ville sadly wheels himself away from the stadium and joins a tailgate to watch the game from the parking lot. He stays after the game to sign autographs. A GoFundMe for Jaxson De Ville raises $60k to help him with his criminal & medical expenses.
Hours after the game, Antonio Brown tweets out a selfie of himself and Jaxson De Ville together in his Nashville apartment. Jaguars get their 4th win in a row to move to 6-7.
Week 15: Cowboys 17 @ Jaguars 20 (OT)
Jaguars' kicker Riley Patterson walks it off in OT with a 56-yard field goal. But once again, the game is overshadowed by the Jaguars lack of mascot. A large portion of the Jaguars fan base credit Jaxson De Ville for the team's midseason turn around. They bring signs to the game, and do organized chants like a European soccer teams. They demand his return.
Despite all the noise, Goodell refuses to lift the ban,
"The mascot code is strict, and unwavering. Jaxson knows this, and he knows his actions can not be tolerated. The ban is indefinite. It is nobody's fault except for his own."
The Jaguars move to 7-7.
Week 16: Jaguars 20 @ Jets 9
It seems like the Jaguars are able to win games no matter how they're played. Sauce Gardner and the Jets secondary shuts down Trevor Lawrence, but Travis Etienne carries the team on his back, rushing for 198 yards.
The movement to reinstate Jaxson De Ville is gaining steam. He does a full media tour, going on shows like Sportscenter, 60 Minutes, Pardon My Take, and PB & Slay. Everyone wants to see Jaxson back on the field. Everyone except for Roger Goodell. The Jaguars are 8-7.
Week 17: Jaguars @ Texans
The Jaguars travel to Houston to play the Texans in an unrecognizable NRG Stadium. The stadium is decorated as if it just hosted some sort of surf competition/luau. Despite the odd vibes, the Texans have come to play. Earlier in the week, Ted Cruz named Colt McCoy the permanent starting QB, and the Texans play hard for him. But in the end, the Jaguars are able to stave them off and move to 9-7.
Week 18: Titans @ Jaguars
The Jaguars can make the playoffs with a win over the Titans. The Jaguars faithful devise a plan to get into Jaxson De Ville into the game. A local mascot costume manufacturer donates 5,000 Jaxson De Ville mascot costumes to the cause. The fans put on the Jaxson De Ville costumes and walk together to the entrance of the stadium. They begin stepping up one by one. It's a Spartacus situation
"I AM JAXSON DE VILLE"
"I AM JAXSON DE VILLE"
"I AM JAXSON DE VILLE"
Despite this being the biggest game of the Jaguars season, with a playoff spot on the line, the fans refuse to the enter the game unless Jaxson De Ville (all of the Jaxson De Ville's) are allowed in the stadium.
Ten minutes before kickoff, the Goodyear blimps cruises over the stadium. It park itself on top of the 50 yard line. All of the sudden, someone jumps out of the blimp. As the person gets closer, the fans can see that it is Jaxson De Ville (and possibly Antonio Brown?), skydiving onto the field.
The fans charge the stadium. They don't even wait to have their tickets checked. They rip down the fences and flood in chaotically. When they make it to the stands, they see Jaxson De Ville and Antonio Brown hand in hand on the 50 yard like. Screams of joy ring throughout the stadium. There's not a dry eye in the house. The noise from the stadium registers as an earthquake on the Richter scale. Jaxson De Ville is BACK!
It's a fantastic game between the Titans and Jaguars. It goes into overtime. The Titans attempts a game winning 50 yard field goal - BUT THE KICK IS BLOCKED! The Jaguars recover the ball and return it for a game winning touchdown! The Jaguars have made the playoffs! Thousands of Jaxson De Ville's charge the field to celebrate with the team. The team picks up the real Jaxson De Ville and carries him around on their shoulders. Everyone is crying. The game goes down in history as The Greatest Game Ever Played. What a moment for the NFL. What a moment for Jacksonville. What a moment for Jaxson DeVille. The Jaguars make the playoffs! They finish the regular season 10-7.