Phillies Hold On To Their Nuts To Beat The Padres And Take A 2-1 Series Lead In The NLCS

Good God of all things gravy. Was that the most stressful 2-score victory in the history of sports? The Phillies should've won that game by double digits and yet the Padres had chances after chances to take the game. But they didn't. They someway, somehow didn't. The Phillies lead the NLCS 2-1 and are two victories away from the World Series. Unbelievable. Let's quickly play the hits: 

Kyle Schwarber, the most handsome and greatest lead off hitter of our time, works the opening game AB to a 3-2 count and goes YAYA off a pitcher who has been borderline unhittable.

Ranger Big Ol' Nuts Suarez doing EVERYTHING and more in his 5 innings of work while having to overcome absolute bullshit mistakes by his teammates. 

Smoltz and his dweeb play by play guy doing everything they can to coddle and fluff the balls of San Diego. Seriously. Most biased postseason game I think I've ever encountered.  

Jean Segura being dumb dropping a tailor made double play ball. Jean Segura being great with a 2-strike, 2-RBI single. Jean Segura being dumb immediately getting picked off. Jean Segura being great with a mega, amazing huge 2-out diving stop to end the 7th. 

Alec Bohm, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose at the plate. And then some. 

Bryson. Stott. 

Let's make one thing clear: Bryson Stott now has the two most important clutch AB's of this postseason for the Phillies. Incredible 2 strike shit for the rookie to spark runs vs the Braves in Game 3 and yet again tonight. Well played young chap. It's called #Karma, people. Love it. 

And then Sir Anthony shutting shit down for 6 outs, the first 6 out save in the Phillies postseason since Tugger clinched the '80 WS exactly 42 years ago tonight. Destiny, baby. Destiny. 

Topper got some heat from the peanut galleries for taking out Ranger after 60-some pitches and playing tonight like a Game 7...which it was. Seriously. Do you think the Phillies come back down 1-2 with Syndenguard on the mound tomorrow? Maybe, but tis a lot to ask. But now we're in the driver's seat. Up 2-1, but still don't get cocky. Tomorrow is even MORE important to step on the throat and keep the mojo cooking. Till then, CUE THE FUCKING MUSIC!!!!

PS - Jason Kelce could and/or should run for Mayor of Philadelphia and would win unlimited lifetime terms. Miles and Cholly, too. All gems of Brotherly Love.