Hocus Pocus 2 Stunk
I will likely say things that you all would consider spoilers so SPOILERS AHEAD
Everyone who is around my age (I'm 37 and I will be 38 on October 15th. My venmo is captaincons) and even younger holds a special place in our hearts for Hocus Pocus. Many of you young folks might know it because of the memes and jokes but for those of us who came up in the 90s it was just a good, enjoyable movie that supplanted itself in the Halloween movie rotation each year especially once ABC Family got a hold of it and basically played it on loop for the month of October.
What we've seen the last few years is all things 80s and 90s becoming cool again and that includes movies. This is odd to stand witness to but nevertheless I get it. Hollywood is out there trying to capitalize on nostalgia and run back the playbook that won them a lot of games. For my money, Top Gun 2 was the only reboot that did it successfully and the box office numbers support that. Otherwise, these reboots fall short and Hocus Pocus 2 was the latest victim.
There were some positives. Bette, Sarah, and Kathy look amazing. It's been 29 years but they largely look the same clearly from sucking the life out of little children in real life too and/or just taking care of themselves (showing that money can keep you young). Good for them.
The scene in Walgreens when the witches were introduced to skincare and beauty products elicited a chuckle. Mary chomping down on that face mask like a damn fruit rollup was a riot.
That's about it for the positives though.
In order for a reboot to work, you need to have some callbacks to the original but you need to vary up the plot a good bit. This was the same plot. Virgin lights black flame candle, witches come back (despite being killed for good in the original so we will ignore that plot hole), battle group of kids, and try to kill little children to keep them alive. Meh.
The weird showtune they did upon being revived was forced and awkward - everyone loved the song in the original but it made sense because they were at a party. Singing to no one in the woods is some Jeffrey Dahmer-level weirdness. The underlying theme of the one girl ghosting her friends when she got a boyfriend wasn't necessary. By far the worst part was the ending and the super heavy handed "hey we all learned a valuable lesson about friendship and being unselfish" plot device. Not everyone is good. Movies have bad guys. It is okay to vanquish the bad guys. Not every movie has to have a happy ending. Winifred showing that it was more important to be with her sisters in the afterlife (in hell. They were in hell. Don't get mad at me, they said they went to hell) than to stay young forever - spare me.
It is nearly impossible to do a reboot especially when we all have so many fond memories of the original. Hocus Pocus 2 failed. Give me Max, Dani, Allison, and Binx every October and I'm all set.
PS. Tony Hale and Hannah Waddingham were good but that's because Tony Hale and Hannah Waddingham are always good