HOUSE OF THE DRAGON EPISODE 6 RECAP BLOG: Time Jumps, New Dragons, And Sickos Beating Off Out Of Windows
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Well that headline certainly took a turn but that's why I love all things Thrones (except for the way the original series ended). It is always keeping you on your toes by mixing things up and occasionally will do some shit that will take your breath away.
To be clear, that could be a kid beating off out his window to drop seed on random people below, a son getting burned alive mere inches away from his father, or a pregnant woman being left as a pile of ash after committing suicide by dracarys.
Either way, this guy is a sick fuck.
Today's MVP is Rhaenyra Targaryen. She may have been throwing up Hail Marys for alliances because of choices in the past made by her father and herself. But anybody that can walk across a castle immediately after giving birth is going to get an MVP vote from me every single time and not just because my wife that is a mother of two may read this then kick my ass for giving it to everyone else. I couldn't even handle hearing the sounds of fictional childbirth let alone actually living through all that shit. As a wise man once said to his mother…
Today's homework assignment for everyone: Call your mom and thank her. If your mom is no longer with us, call someone else's mom and thank her.
- I had much less of a problem with the time jump than I ever guessed I would. Rhaenyra seemed to age double everyone else but that came after she seemingly never aged in the first five episodes. Aging out of the biggest show on the planet is a bummer but I'm not gonna cry any tears for Milly Alcock.
- Shout out to King Viserys for surviving ANOTHER episode that was ten full years in the future. He may have lost another appendage, but he hasn't lost his life yet!
I'm honestly starting to think we are going to find out Viserys is immortal and will end up being Dany's father before the King Slayer slays his ass. It's also incredible how much he fucks up every week yet somehow everything ends up being fine. He is the Nathaniel Hackett of the Seven Kingdoms.
- On last night's Game of Stools, KFC said this episode full of paternity scandals and fighting was one giant Westeros version of Maury. I have nothing really to add to it other than agreeing with that take and thought we could all use a little Best Of Maury clip here because they always hit the spot.
- God dammit do I hate Criston Cole, Criston Cuck, or whatever other name you want to call that little bitch. I jokingly said he's the worst Thrones character we've had since Joffrey Baratheon. But goddamn I wish we could've seen his face turned to Silly Putty like he did to the Knight of Kisses Joffrey last week.
That being said, laughing after you just got your ass beat will always give me big Heath Ledger's Joker vibes, which is as high a compliment as I can give someone.
It's still fuck Criston Cole for forever and a day though. I hope he's innocently walking under Aegon's window one day when that demented twerp is letting ropes fly.
- That window has seen some shit and has been the dumping ground for a bunch of royal seed.
- I don't care how many loads he drops on Criston Cole, I am ready to hate the fuck out of Aegon Targaryen. Aemond seems like he may be a sweet, curious kid. But everything his brother did this episode is the definition of pre-crime.
- I can't wait until we are at the point where we can do Top 10 Power Rankings of dragons. Unfortunately I'm not feeling good about Vermax's standing even thought he's just a pup because roasting that goat didn't do much for me.
I still reserve the right to change my mind but I feel like the baddest dragons are going to be flown by people with platinum blonde hair instead of bastards.
- I love that the word bastard is back in my life.
- As a card carrying member of Team Daemon, I will fully admit our boy looked a bit soft last night as he was trying to enjoy the finer things in life instead of politicking for a chair made of swords. However, if I have learned anything from almost four decades of watching fiction, it's that the bad boy who tried to turn good always brings the motherfucking heat (no pun intended) after a tragedy like this happens to him
- I am allowing entry to everyone that wants to back Larys Strong in Club Clubfoot now or forever hold your peace. He may be a total piece of shit that is going to cause unspeakable hell to some of our favorite characters. But he has such strong Littlefinger vibes, I have no choice but to admit he's gonna be as big a player in this upcoming game of thrones as anybody else.
He even gave a Littlefinger speech full of cutaways and innocent quotes detailing the fucked up things done by him via his suicide squad.
No matter what you think about the man, you must admit that his cane is siiiiiiick.
Can't wait to see what that gigantic piece of shit has up his sleeves next episode and I say that in the nicest way possible.
For more dracarys-level takes on last night's episode, check out the latest Game of Stools at the top of the blog or in podcast form if audio is your preferred poison.