Lighten the Fuck Up! The New Lions QB Created Some Excitement in Detroit & Around the World!

After winning only eleven games over the last three seasons, the head scout for the Detroit Lions was looking for the perfect quarterback to lead the Lions. He scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a quarterback who could ensure a winning season, never mind one that could win a Super Bowl… 

Then, one night while watching the news, he saw a war-zone scene in Ukraine. In the background, he spotted a young Ukrainian soldier with a truly incredible arm throwing a grenade straight into a group of Russian soldiers 100 yards away. Kaboom! He threw another grenade 75 yards, right into an open Russian tank. Kaboom! 

“I’ve got to get this kid!” he muttered to himself. “He has the perfect arm for the NFL!” 

So, he found the kid, brought him to the United States, and taught him how to play football. 

A year later, the Lions went on to win the Super Bowl, and the young Ukrainian quarterback was named Super Bowl MVP for his stellar performance. After the game, the coach asked him if he wanted anything special, and all the young man wanted was to call his mother.

 “Mom, I just won the Super Bowl!” he yelled into the phone, elated. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old Ukrainian woman said. “You deserted us. You are not my son!” 

“I don’t think you understand, mom,” the young man explained. “I’ve just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans who are cheering for me!” 

“No, let me tell you!” his mother retorted. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister hidden in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” 

The old Ukrainian woman paused and then tearfully said, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

*Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968 (and flipping people off forever!)

This is LTFU Joke #113!

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