So... I'm Going To Be A Mom

Yes, you read that correctly. I'm going to be a mom. Of a real life human. And I'm really excited about it. 

I never thought those two sentences back-to-back would EVER be something I would write about myself. But here we are. Nothing like a good late night weekend inside-Barstool bomb from the clouds, am I right? 

I didn't know how to break the news so I've done what I'm pretty good at: avoidance to the highest degree. I didn't even tell my family until recently. However, the issue with literally growing a human is that they don't just pause growing until you're ready to stop avoiding. Not to mention, I'm more of a basket case than I normally am, which is saying something. Keeping it under wraps has become an absolute chore in the last few weeks. Listen, I'm forever grateful that Gen-Z made oversized-everything cool, but making sure those oversized t-shirts weren't too clingy knowing that my boobs are somehow getting bigger daily? Exhausting. Fake drinking in public or at events since everybody knows this girl loves her red wine and vodka shots? Exhausting. Pretending that I don't feel big time emotional and am overthinking every single waking moment? Exhausting. 

So, the jig is up! My boyfriend and I'll be allowed to leave the hospital with a baby in February. For those keeping score, that means that somehow an unplanned pregnancy planned itself around football season. Pretty perfect, if you ask me.

I've been at Barstool for almost 5 years and each Fall has gotten crazier and crazier. I love this job. I love what we've grown and that every season the shows get bigger and bigger. Dropping this news before the season was not only important for my mental health, but for my dedication to doing my job for my co-workers I do those shows with. I don't want anything to change work-wise. I want to go into season 5 of the College Football Show, season 3 of the NFL show focused and continue with season 4 of Unnecessary Roughness focused on:

- growing this miracle (yep, I'm that person now. Deal with it)
- making sure we put out the best shows for you guys we possibly can + also making sure the boys don't kill each other on stage (which is much harder than it looks). 

Dave, Dan, Brandon and Deion are amazing co-hosts. But more importantly, all four are close friends who keep me sane and have been so supportive of this next chapter. Plus, we also have the best fans in the world and it's very important to me that you guys love what we put out. I don't want to jeopardize any of that because I'm stressed out and emotional that people may think I'm pregnant… because I'm pregnant. Worrying about anything or anybody else other than what I care about most these days seems pretty silly and stupid. 

As for the personal side of things… 

I've been pretty vocal about thinking I'd never have kids or even want to in the first place. And since I moved to New York, I chose relationships that fit that narrative. But when those two little lines popped up on a test (that I'm 90% sure my boyfriend bought from 711), his first words were "you're going to be an amazing mom." My brain was programmed to expect some long drawn-out conversation about our choices (which I believe every woman should have, by the way). But instead we both immediately knew this baby was changing our lives in the best way possible. Side note: I have to brag on baby daddy for a second. I never thought I deserved (let alone would find) somebody so unbelievable. As cheesy as it sounds, he fully loved me while I learned to love myself again and I know he's going to be an amazing dad. Plus, he keeps pickles, tomatoes, hot sauce, graham crackers, fruit and cheese blocks stocked HEAVY. Keeper like you read about.

As for the rest of the details moving forward, I have a pretty good blueprint. I've always admired Dan's balancing act. Yes, he's exceptionally more well known than me, but the way he has kept his private life completely separate from his Barstool life is literally goals. There's no right or wrong way to handle this stuff - especially when our entire lives are picked apart on the internet by faceless, nameless strangers - but this way feels right for me and for us. So I plan to keep my new family (wow, that is weird to type) out of the public eye as much as I can. But I hope everybody who watches and listens to the shows will support that decision as I figure this whole thing out. Outside of a few bad eggs, you guys really are the best fans on the planet. 

Life comes at you fast, man. I'm going to be a mom.

PS - I'd also like to make sure Brandon gets his shout out. He's known forever and somehow managed to not tell anybody! "It feels like I've known for years" - BFW. Good job, Brandon!!! 

PPS - Our fall CFB tour is going to be epic this season. Like I said, nothing will change other than I'll just have the pause the encouragement of beer showers in my direction this year. But this year only. Hopefully we'll see you all along the way. :)