A Rugby Player Has Been Suspended For The Rest Of The Season After Sticking A Finger Up His Opponent's Ass

Australian rugby league player Corey Norman has been given an eight-game suspension and fined £500 (about $605) for “internationally plac(ing) a hand between the buttocks of an opposing player,” the Rugby Football League announced on Wednesday. The incident occurred between Toulouse’s Norman and Warrington Wolves’ Oliver Holmes during the two teams’ match last Thursday. 

The 31-year-old Norman, who spent 11 years playing in Australia’s National Rugby League before joining Toulouse in April, pled not guilty to the offense. But tribunal chair Justice Sarah Wright and the two side members, both former players, were “entirely satisfied” the act was intentional. Holmes complained about the incident during the match and also provided a statement to the tribunal.

Truth be told, I don't know much about rugby or rugby players other than it being a sport for lunatics and being pretty sure the rugby team at most colleges could drink 99% of their fellow student body under the table. 

However, I have to admit I was shocked seeing a rugby player getting suspended at all, let alone for the rest of the season, for checking his opponent's oil. Rugby always seemed like one of those sports where there were rules on how to score and the rules for penalties were "Boys are gonna be boys". I'm not saying that throwing a digit up a bum (their words, not mine) is anywhere near fair play. But when you have a contact sport that revolves around a scrum, I would've thought things like this would happen relatively often and the punishment would be a slap on the wrist at most. ESPECIALLY in a lawless place like Australia.

Speaking of which, the thought of the suits in Sydney or wherever the HQ for this rugby league is staring at this video over and over to see if a finger actually slipped into a butthole like Mike Pereira rewatching a replay in slow motion during an NFL Sunday has me cracking up.

“The footage of the incident shows a deliberate movement of Corey Norman’s left arm and hand over the top of Oliver Holmes and on to his buttocks,” the ruling said. “At no point does the footage show a grabbing of the shorts to push Oliver Holmes down as described by Corey Norman.”

Finally my esteemed colleague PFT Commenter hit me with perhaps the funnest fact of all time today.

MJ hitting the series winning shot after pushing off Bryon Russell officially may be topped (we'll ignore MJ's Wizards days to be nice)