Suburb Saturdays Volume 5: Your Neighbor In His 50s Mows His Lawn Without A Shirt On

Poppy Berry. Getty Images.

[not actual photo of the guy]

We’re back onto lawns for Volume 5 and this one is I think fairly common. A lot of what we’ll cover in these weekly blogs is neighborhood ettiquite. Mowing the lawn on a regular basis is a necessity for any homeowner that has grass, but what about the attire?

 “My neighbor is always mowing the lawn without his shirt on. I get that’s ok once in awhile on a scorching day, but it’s an every week thing. And not to body shame, but this guy is not exactly a sight for sore eyes. He’s in his 50s and it’s something nobody, including his wife probably, wants to see. What should I do to get him to put a shirt on?” – Mushroom Barley

Great question, Mushroom Barley. This is a tough one because I feel like it’s only acceptable for skinny teens that aren’t real people. They’re not considerate yet and are only thinking about what looks cool. But once you’re out of your parents house, it’s kind of a weird move to do. Listen, if you’ve got a good body and are trying to attract some attention around the neighborhood, I get it. But if you’re a father, this is not allowed. I should also clarify I’m talking about both push mowers and riding mowers. I do think that if you’re a dad on a hot scorching day and have your Hawaiian shirt open with a nice cocktail or beer that that’s fine, but we need some coverage!

Here are some options I’d lay out for Mushroom Barley:

Option #1) Drive by and passive aggressively honk or yell “put a shirt on!” out your window. Speed by fast enough that you’re not seen as easily.

Option #2) Send a letter with pictures of fat shirtless people and write “we don’t want to see this either. Please put a shirt on when you mow your lawn”.

Option #3) Call a local landscaper/lawn mowing service and request a free quote for that house. Maybe they won’t be home, but it’ll at least plant a seed of doubt and maybe they actually take the deal.

Option #4) Put a sign on their lawn reading, “no shirt, no shoes, no mow”

What do you think you’d do? I’ll put out a poll on Sunday night with the results in next week’s Suburb Saturdays. Here are last week’s results from What would you do if you caught your babysitter stealing booze from you?

See you next Saturday!