Sunday Sentences Re-Brand & Pup Punk Review

Welcome to the last ever installment of Sunday Sentences. I have been informed that, "Sunday Sentences is not a sustainable title for a blog." It's not clickable enough. I need to re-brand. Here are some ideas off the top of my head:

Boobs of the Week: This would be a much more clickable title. I don't really want to change the content of Sunday Sentences. I would like to continue dumping my thoughts out onto this blog every Sunday. Maybe if I include a pair of tits along with my thoughts it would do a little better. I'm not sure where I would get the tits. I guess I could just choose any Instagram model, but I think it would be better if I found the tits myself. I pass plenty of great tits on the streets of New York every day. I could just stop any girl and tell her I wanted to feature her tits in Barstool Sports Boobs of the Week. I'm sure that would go over well.

Ass of the Week: Same thing, but with asses.

Those are the only ideas I have. I don't know any other ways to get clicks. I guess that wasn't much of an extravaganza. 

I've had some success getting you guys do my job for me when it comes to picking topics for the Blog Wheel, so if anyone has a good idea for the Sunday Sentences re-brand I'm all ears.

I'm really running on fumes today. I went to Pup Punk last night, and I'm feeling it hard today.

I don't know how to act at concerts. I spent a majority of the show sitting up top with Brandon.

Eventually, I decided that I should get in the mix, so I went to stand on a table next to the stage. As soon as I got up there, I realized that everyone was looking at me and got super uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I just started taking videos. 

If you'll indulge me, I would like to stroke off my co-workers for a minute. Pup Punk is incredibly good. Rone is a legitimate front man. I don't know why I'm always surprised when Rone does impressive things, but about once a month he'll do something that'll remind me that he is on a whole other level of talented. I'm pretty sure PFT can roll out of bed, listen to literally any song, and then play a flawless version on the guitar with zero practice. Robbie was born to play bass in a punk band. He's got the perfect look for it. However, I was most surprised by Frankie. I knew he was a good drummer, but I didn't know he had it in him to do a full ass drum solo that brought the house down. I mean look at this. 

In some unfortunate news, they let Caroline on stage to sing a couple songs. I was beyond furious when they called her up. Nobody gave me a heads up. Nobody asked me to perform a song. It's almost like they didn't even consider my feelings.

Just kidding, Caroline. It was actually really good. I'm so jealous of people who are musically talented.

After the show, everyone went to the same bar. I was in no shape to stay out but I figured I should give it a try. When I got there, I ordered a Red Bull Vodka. The bartender handed me a drink that was 80% ice, 20% Red Bull, and 0% alcohol. I took the hint and got the fuck out of there. 

Look at how sweaty my hat was when I got home. I was just in public like that.

On Thursday of last week I was given a pretty big new responsibility at Barstool. I will reveal everything in my John Rich's Wild blog that will go out either tomorrow or Tuesday. I am very excited about it. 

I only have 2 more nights of living with nothing but an air mattress. Air mattress life is starting to get to me. I'm just in a bad mood all the time. There is nothing worse than getting home and having nowhere to relax. I haven't sat on a couch in over a week. I can always lay down on the air mattress, but unless I'm actually trying to go to sleep it is wildly uncomfortable. Since I don't have anywhere to relax at home, I always just end up going to a bar. I am drinking way more than I should be, and I'm spending more money than I am making.

On Tuesday I'm flying back to Ohio to officially move my things. I bought a first class ticket. It was only $30 more than coach. I'm going to set a record for most drinks & snacks ordered on an hour long flight.

Barry Bonds' Miniature Schnauzer competed in the Westminster Dog show this week. That's is something that happened that I wanted to share with you.

Maxine Clark, founder of the Build-A-Bear Workshop, issued an apology following an explosion at the Build-A-Bear factory in St. Louis, Missouri. There were no fatalities, but one child was taken to the hospital with 3rd degree burns. This marks the worst beary related accident at a factory since Violet Beauregarde at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

That joke is so bad. It's also a complete lie. There was not an explosion at the Build-A-Bear factory. It barely even makes sense. Was the explosion at the Build-A-Bear Factory or a Build-A-Bear Workshop? Does Build-A-Bear even have a factory? If so, then why would a kid be there? But it has to be a kid in a factory for the joke to make sense. Whatever, I tried. I've been trying to write monologue style jokes for weeks just to see if I can do it. It's really hard. I don't know how Nick and KB come up with so many for ANUS every week.

Alright that's all I got. This is the first blog I've submitted that I felt like I phoned in. Maybe I'll be better next week. Maybe not.