You Can't Make This Up. Cleveland Will Play Host To "The National Massage Therapists Convention" Later This Month

Cleveland Scene - The American Massage Therapy Association will hold its annual conference at the Huntington Convention Center in Cleveland later this month.

The Evanston, Illinois-based organization, the largest nonprofit professional association for massage therapists, will arrive only weeks after Sue Robinson handed down a six-game suspension to Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson for sexual misconduct with massage therapists, which the league on Wednesday appealed..

The organization will be staying at the Hilton Downtown Hotel and hosting exhibitions and forums at the convention center Aug 25-27. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is the marquee keynote speaker.

In addition to continuing education and other member benefits, AMTA, as an organization, advocates "for the issues important to massage therapists" across the country, including state and federal policies and fair licensing. But the organization has also spoken out against Deshaun Watson and the NFL.

God. Yahweh. Allah. Father. Jehoveh. Whatever your name for God is, or if you believe in a higher power such as the universe, or hell, even that this is all just a simulation being controlled by some sick fuck on a computer, or by an A.I. program, whatever it is you believe, this is funny. 

Because whoever, or whatever is responsible for this thing we call life has what we can safely say by now, a very twisted and sick sense of humor.

Bringing the circus to town is not a phrase the good, hard-working people of Cleveland are unfamiliar with. 

But bringing The National Massage Therapists Convention to tropical Cleveland, OH, and posting up just a couple blocks away from the stadium the Browns try to play football in is ridiculous. 

If you're Deshaun Watson you have two options here. 

1- You tell your agent, your family, your friends, whoever to get you the fuck out of town that week and keep you out of town. Like the weekend your ex is getting married, good friends of yours will take you somewhere and keep your mind occupied. Well this is like that, except not really. The best way to resist and overcome temptation is to take yourself out of the situation completely. 

Can't slip up if you're not even standing up. 

Can't make some innocent masseuse from the National Massage Therapists Convention, alleged #25 if you're not even in Cleveland.

or 2- You pull out a page from the back of the old Johnny Football playbook. Yep, that's right. You throw on a blonde wig, think up a new name to go by, and you crash that bitch.

You go in hard and you go in fast. Have your story down cold, and never look back.

p.s. - imagine being a member of the National Message Therapists Association and finding out this is where this years convention is taking place? You gotta be fucking pissed right? Not because you have to go to Cleveland in the summer. Fuck no, Cleveland is amazing in the summer. It sits on a beautiful Great Lake. The temperature is perfect without too much humidity. And there's a ton going on, (especially in the east bank of The Flats, like FWD Nightclub, Goodnight John Boy, and The Farm. Shameless plug, suck me.)

p.p.s. - want a great look at what Cleveland is really like? Look no further than our trusted world travelers in "Rediscovering America Erie Coast: Mistake By The Lake"

p.p.p.s. - here are those weird fetish videos White Sox Dave likes