One Like = One Prayer For Large's Genitals
Dear The Family Office Investment Committee (aka "The Family"),
Editor's note: this letter is best read with Sarah McLachlan’s “Arms of an Angel” playing in the background.
Times are tough over at The Family Office. Not only did doctor(s) go all Boring Company on Large’s pee hole, but the stonk market is making me look like I just spent $1,500 on a day trading course that took place in the conference room down at the local Holiday Inn (the Chicken Francese served for lunch was a bit overcooked, in case you were wondering).
Although I have smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, I haven't taken the Hippocratic Oath and can't legally sand blast calcium deposits in and around Large’s genitals. Which means there are only two things I can do...
1. Remind you that one like or subscribe for The Family Office = one prayer for Large’s bait and tackle
2. Try to make some money in hopes of winning my family's love and the internet's respect
So, here’s this week's watchlist breakdown…
+ Monster Energy (MNST). MNST is the reason that the investment industry has to make disclaimers like "past performance does not guarantee future results." And the kinda stock that YouTube furus say they uncovered via their proprietary scanner in like 1990. It's up nearly 75,000% since its debut in 1985.
Of course, that doesn’t explain why the energy drink maker made the most closely watched watchlist since DeepFuckingValue started posting on WallStreetBets. Monster is the closest thing to a recession proof stock you can buy (ok, to be fair we said that about WD-40 too, but hear me out…). If you think guys named Kyle, who never met a piece of drywall they didn't want to punch, are about to stop washing down their Zyn with 3 Monsters a day, you’re sorely mistaken.
Oh, and did I mention these sandbagging sons of a bitches have managed to beat top line expectations for the past 11 quarters? Spoiler: that has nothing to do with moving cases of legal meth, and everything to do with management being savvy af. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
+ Getting drunk with Paul Pelosi (note: I don't condone drunk driving) (SOXX). Listen, trips to the Amalfi Coast and low cut tops don't grow on trees. Just ask Paul Pelosi. Paul, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's husband, is no stranger to being called out for "insider trading" as he's made millions of dollars living the dream (being a stay at home dad to grown kids and day trading). Just one problem with that story line: "insider trading" isn't technically illegal for lawmakers. It's more of a gray area (read: they need to report it).
Pelosi Capital Management made headlines again last week. Ahead of a vote on the CHIPS Act (spoiler: Uncle Sam plans to pump $50B+ into semiconductor companies USA chat breaks out) Paul (Nance's people made it clear she wasn't involved) exercised 200 options of US chipmaker, Nvidia (read: he now owns the underlying stock). It's almost like he knows something…
Since Large and I aren't above lying, cheating and stealing our way to the top (table stakes in this industry), we'll be keeping an eye on this power couple's moves. There are plenty of trackers to follow along with the Pelosi's trades, and pretty much every other lawmaker, on the internet, if you're into that kinda thing.
+ THE FAMILY'S WATCHLIST: EVgo. This week during THE FAMILY OFFICE I had Large analyze a handful of stock pick submissions from Family Members (that's you guys) in real time. And he chose one winner… even though I didn't ask him to. His favorite submission was EVgo. EVgo, runs a network of electric vehicle chargers… just not the kind that matter (Tesla's superchargers). His thesis was pretty simple: he's seen them at Wawa. For what it's worth, he also thinks that EVs are the future. He's got a point.
Liking a stonk (sorry, Cramer), because its product was installed at a gas station with top tier sandwich technology may seem idiotic, but alas Mr. Sasshole might be on to something. One of the GOATs of investing put it this way: "invest in what you know." And Lou knows what the fuck goes down at Wawa.
Perhaps it was a coincidence, but just a few days after his pick, EVgo and GM announced a yuge deal to build a network of 2k EV chargers at Pilot J truck stops across the country. Come for the electricity, stay for the lot lizards.
Have an idea to add to the watchlist? Large and I need all the help we can get. You can pitch us investment ideas HERE.
As a reminder, The Family Office's current portfolio includes…
ExxonMobil (XOM)
Meta (META)
WD-40 (WDFC)
iShares Semiconductor ETF (SOXX)
A new episode of The Family Office drops every Monday at 6 AM, just in time for your shitty commute. Catch up now.
Viva,
Snap Necks and Cash Checks,
Tyler
NOTE: This is not financial advice. Tyler is a MORON. All opinions expressed in this blog, including those of Tyler Morin or any other contributors are solely the writers’ opinions. Their opinions are based on information they consider to be reliable at the time they are made, but they are under no obligation to update or correct any information provided. Tyler Morin and any other contributors may hold positions in the securities discussed, including positions not discussed in this blog. Nothing in this blog constitutes a recommendation that any investment or strategy is suitable for you, but are made solely for educational or informational purposes. This blog is not an offer to sell or a solicitation of an offer to buy any securities. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Investments or strategies mentioned in this blog do not take into account your particular investment objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on information in this blog, you should consider whether it is suitable for your particular circumstances.