Tom Brady is Working His Favorite Receiving Targets into the All-Star Cast of His '80 for Brady' Movie

Tom Pennington. Getty Images.

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated not just by movies and television, but by the creative process behind how they get made. I guess because I went through a phase as a kid where I was shy, and a bit of a recluse, and spent a disproportionate amount of my time in front of the old electric babysitter consuming this content. And it never ceased to amaze me what sort of magic it takes to get some writer's ideas up on the screen. 

So I've read books on the making of Jaws. Countless behind-the-scenes DVD extras on everything from Lord of the Rings to Master and Commander. I recently caught a documentary about the brilliant Galaxy Quest. And am currently seven episodes into The Offer, a limited series about how The Godfather went from bestseller to the most celebrated film of all time, despite opposition from the actual Mafia, a mob boss's subsequent cooperation, budget restrictions, the studio almost getting sold in as filming began, the producer's disdain for an unknown actor named Al Pacino, and real gangland killings surrounding the production. (Certified Fresh on ThorntonTomatoes.)

I bring this up because the aforementioned studio in The Offer was Paramount. And it's astonishing to witness how little regard the bosses had for The Godfather, how much they tried to change it, and how close this great piece of American art came to being ruined or never being brought into existence. And yet that same studio wasted no time greenlighting one of the goofiest sounding concepts in recent memory:

Paramount Pictures has acquired worldwide rights to 80 for Brady from Endeavor Content, who will produce the film. …

The feature project is inspired by the true story of four best-friends and New England Patriots fans who take a lifechanging trip to the 2017 Super Bowl LI to see their hero Tom Brady play, and the chaos that ensues as they navigate the wilds of the biggest sporting event in the country.

And those four best friends are Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Rita Moreno, and Sally Field. All multiple award winners, to be sure. All in their 80s. So essentially, stars whose target audience are the grandparents of the people who buy movie tickets and streaming rentals. Which is fine; I'm no ageist. Maybe the marketing research shows a lot of interest in the lady Megyn Kelly kept asking about her cosmetic surgery, Miss Frizzle from Magic School Bus, the smokeshow from West Side Story and Forrest Gump's mom/The Flying Nun. 

I am just absolutely mesmerized by the idea this project made it past the pitch meeting and into production. That no one in the planning stage suggested, say, Melissa McCarthy and Tina Fay, instead of a Grumpy Old Ladies pastiche, with a collection of elegant but aging Hollywood royalty cracking wise about how much they'd like to let Tom Brady get into their end zones or whatever. 

The whole thing has sounded like a vanity project from the beginning. And those have a history of going horribly, horribly wrong, even with experienced actors at the helm. Just ask anyone who's seen John Travolta's Battlefield Earth, Will Smith's After Earth, or Jerry Lewis' The Day the Clown Cried, where he plays a clown in the Nazi death camps who leads children into the gas chambers. For real. 

In no way am I suggesting 80 for Brady could possibly be as bad as those. Hell, for all I know it's going to be a classic road picture. A combination of National Lampoon's Vacation and Thelma and Louise. I'm just marveling that it's being made at all. And, based on the latest news, it most definitely is going to be a superstar's vanity project. How else do you explain this:

Source - Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski are Patriots again — at least, they will be on the big screen next year.

The former New England Patriots quarterback and his loyal tight end will be reunited in Paramount’s “80 for Brady,” a comedy that Brady is starring in and producing for a 2023 theatrical release. Along with Gronkowski, former New England wide receivers Danny Amendola and Julian Edelman will have cameo roles.

Sigh. 

I admit it's super odd that someone could be making a comedy about one of the 5 or 10 most satisfying sporting events these four eyes have ever beheld and I could be so negative about it. But the whole premise just gives off such a cringey vibe I can't help it. The kind of thing where they're going to be winking at the camera, making halfassed Deflategate jokes, and basically diminshing one of the great moments of all their careers. 

I hope I'm wrong. Dead wrong. And their should happen to be a role for telegenic, brainy, charming, and hilarious Patriots writer in there, forget everything I've said. I know just the guy. He'll work for scale and his IMDb page could always use another entry.