Sex Positions That Are Sure to Give You and Your Partner A Concussion

If you're looking to spice up your ~sexy time~ and don't mind risking your life, you've GOT TO try these positions. These positions are life changing, because you'll probably lose your life while attempting them.  

1. THE BACKBREAKER (or the falling pogo stick)

This one is great if you're trying to kill your significant other. If you've been wanting to push your man down the stairs, try this sexy alternative. I'm curious on how you get into this position. The man must lift the female up so she can put her legs over his shoulders (I do not know a single man alive capable of that). Then, he must jump in the air and backwards to his death. At least you'll know you're his last. CONCUSSSSED

2. THE HEAD SPINNER

If you love break dancing and breaking your neck, then THIS is the position for you. How does is work? No fucking idea. This one is sure to put you in a neck brace and give you permanent brain damage. CONCUSSED.

3. Pair of Tongs

Who doesn't love a prolonged side plank? This one's great if you love scissoring and are capable of one handed handstand. Otherwise, your partner is going to have to hold your entire body weight. I have questions… While thrusting, how can you guarantee you're not going to slam the girls head against the wall? Maybe she's into that? CONCUSSED.

4. The Arch 

Finally, unrealistic flexibility standards for men too! It's super straight forward.. It's cowgirl, except not enjoyable. Hopefully your dick has absolutely no curve or this is impossible. Don't let your arms don't get tired. If they do, you will be… CONCUSSED 

5. The Pinwheel 

In this position the woman pulls a muscle, while the man pulls out!! I think that this one is achievable, if you're dating Simone Biles. Can non-olympic gymnasts legs bend like that? The woman has nothing to hold on to, since she is holding her leg. The man, is having to sit on the top of the couch and try not to fall, while thrusting. I'd stick to the og doggy if I was you. If not, you might be CONCUSSED. 

Stay tuned for the next blog, where I will review all the positions after trying them out!