'Jurassic World: Dominion' Was A Big Ole Pile Of Crap
On the last episode of LCB we reviewed some news, did a Multiverse Sports History draft with 'Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness' and 'Loki' writer Michael Waldron, and we reviewed 'Jurassic World: Dominion'. That movie may be one of the more frustrating ones I can remember watching.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
Here is my list of complaints for this movie:
- There are simply NOT ENOUGH DINOSAURS. I don't go to a jurassic movie to see fucking bugs. Those exist. They are real. I want god damn dinos!
- It was such a fucking waste FINALLY unleashing dinosaurs on the entire world but NOT SHOWING THAT. Instead, they give us a 10 minute newsreel exposition dump where they say humans just kinda worked it out living with dinosaurs. The fuck? That lead to them essentially creating another park in that the reserve was just an enclosed area of dinosaurs. We've gotten FIVE MOVIES worth of that! The trailers for this teased us getting to see what havoc dinosaurs would cause out in the world, and instead they are just a minor inconvenience for people unlike the god damn bugs.
- The antagonist STUNK. I get that he is a legacy character, but the quirky CEO bad guy characters are always horrible and this guy was no exception.
- These movies already had too many unmemorable characters and they added about 20 more throughout the course of this one. Go ahead, name a character from Jurassic World. Pro tip, you can't!
- A sub point of the previous one: How many total lines did Chris Pratt, one of the biggest movie stars on earth right now, have? Maybe 10?
- Maisie was also such a waste. She was just a disgruntled teen that had no bearing on the movie. They could have had her deal with guilt and regret considering she directly unleashed a plague on all of humanity and caused countless deaths. Instead, she didn't really seem to give a shit.
- I AM SO SICK OF THE CHRIS PRATT HAND THING
- This Movie REFUSED to end. It should have been, at minimum, a half hour shorter.
- The final dino fight was the exact same ending as the first Jurassic World. The fan-favorite T-Rex fights the new apex predator, gets beaten to the brink of death, gets saved by another dinosaur then comes back to beat the apex. BOOO!!!!!
You can listen to our full evisceration below.