Molly Shannon Tells a WILD Story About Being Sexually Harrassed by Gary Coleman

NBC. Getty Images.

Before I get to my point, you'll have to forgive me the OK Boomer lecture for a moment. You kids today, with your infinite entertainment options and quality programming available to you 24/7 have no idea how good you have it. There was a time the rest of us remember all too well. The early days of cable when it was still mostly dominated by the broadcast networks, supplemented a little by MTV consisting of nothing but music videos, ESPN showing bowling and lumberjack competitions, Atlanta Braves baseball, and not much else. 

Which meant that the traditional family sitcom could still be king. And an adorable kid was capable of bestriding the pop culture landscape like a colossus. Even if he was barely four feet tall. I'm speaking of course about Gary Coleman. And his show was Diff'rent Strokes. The show that launched as many catchphrases:

… as it did E! True Hollywood Stories about the tragic lives of its child stars. 

And it absolutely perfected the art of the Very Special Episode, with its legendary and infamous "Bicycle Man" one, about a straight up child molester, played by Gordon Jump of WKRP in Cincinnati, who regretted taking the title role until the day he died: 

[Note: I can't recommend this Funny or Die channel strongly enough. Every video is comedy gold.]

Well Gary Coleman is no longer with us, having died in 2010 at the age of 42 due to complications from seizures. With all this as background, here's the story former SNL cast member Molly Shannon just told Howard Stern about meeting Coleman:

In case you can't watch it:

People  - Molly Shannon is opening up about a terrifying incident she experienced with the late Gary Coleman. …

At the time, Shannon had just signed with the Diff'rent Strokes star's agent and was offered the chance to meet him. Shannon says she was invited up to Coleman's penthouse hotel room alongside their shared agent.

But the mood shifted once the agent left Shannon alone with Coleman, she told Stern.

"I think he was like, 'Sit down [on the bed].' It was very sweet," she recalled. "And then he's, like, tickling me a little. This and that."

Shannon said that she was "trying to be polite" toward Coleman, pointing out that she was "a virgin" at the time of the incident. But she told Stern Coleman continued to become more aggressive.

"He was relentless," she continued. "Then, he was like trying to kiss me and get on top and I was like, 'No, Gary. Stop.' So, I push him off. Then, I would get off the bed. Then, he would bounce on the bed. Jump, jump, jump. And wrap himself around me. Then, I would fling him off. And then he got on top of me. I guess because of his size I didn't feel physically threatened. But … it was going on and on. Repeating. I would throw him off, he would get back on."

Shannon continued, "… And then finally, I throw him off. I was really getting out of breath because it was athletic and aerobic."

"He grabs me onto my leg and I was like [trying to] kick him off," she said. "And then, I go lock myself in the bathroom and then he sticks his hands under the door. And he's like, 'I can see you.'" …

"I wish I could have stood up for myself more," she added.

Holy cats, that is terrifying. And would be a horrible tragedy were it not for the fact Shannon is a full grown woman and he was trying to go up a few weight classes. But still, when you're defending yourself against a 100 pound ball of pure deranged sexual aggression, it's got to be like fending off an attack from a feral animal. The way America's 1980s Favorite Son kept coming after her sounds like something out of a particularly scary Twilight Zone, where the cute doll turns out to be possessed or something and starts trying to murder everyone in the house. I shudder to think what would've happened if he was the size of a regular adult human.

I mean, this would be appalling behavior from any celebrity. But from Arnold Drummond, it's shocking beyond the capacity to process it. This kid won People's Choice Awards. He was on t-shirts and lunch boxes. He did product endorsements. He got First Lady Nancy Reagan to appear on his show. And at no time during that phase did anyone look at his adorably round features and sparkling eyes and think, "I bet this kid is going to grow up to sexually assault a supremely talented virgin comedian." Not one.

Let's try not to let this ruin our opinion on the wisdom of letting children be TV stars. Not every mega famous kid grows up to have crippling mental and emotional issues. It's about 99% of them, but not all. But word to the wise. On the off chance you find yourself alone with the former child star of a top rated sitcom? Keep the pepper spray gripped tightly in your palm. And do the best you can to avoid the situation altogether. Thanks for the PSA, Molly Shannon: