Cristiano Ronaldo Wants To Bring The 14-Year Old Boy He Allegedly Assaulted To A Game As A Sign Of 'Fair-Play' In The Most Half-Assed Apology You'll See

Now in case you missed it, this is what happened after Man U lost over the weekend: 

That person allegedly was a 14-year old boy who suffers from autism. Yikes. I mean it's bad enough that Ronaldo showed up to Manchester United and basically had everything unravel. They stink. They've won just one of their last 7 matches. They are now 7th in the EPL. Basically Ronaldo is LeBron James and the Lakers. Wouldn't be surprised if Man U claims some Mickey Mouse title while we're at it. 

But this is about the apology. Look at that again. The picture of him clapping is fucking hilarious. The talk of how he has emotions and inviting the 14-year old boy to a game as a sign of sportsmanship is even funnier. Dude, you slapped a phone and maybe this kid's hand. That's not sportsmanship. That's begging for sponsors not to drop you. That's begging to avoid any sort of loss of money. 

At least Man U won't be punishing him.

Now sure, I don't know how you classify this as assault. That's not what I'm here to talk about. This is about Ronaldo's apology. There may not be a more selfish athlete than Ronaldo. He had a legit chance to go 1.1 in the Sports Diva draft on Dog Walk a little bit back. 

Still laughing at 'a sign of fair-play.' I slapped your phone and hand, you get a free ticket. Fair is fair in Ronaldo's world.