Scientific Study Concludes 1 Out Of 3 American Adults Are Complete MORONS

I'm trying to have a good day here and get ready for a great National Championship and Opening Day. I got big stuff on my mind and bigger things on the plate. Yet I can't get out my head because I'm distraught with the fact that 1 in every 3 of you assholes is turning down a French Cruller out of principle. Truly astonishing behavior and yet another stain on the record of the general public. Just when I started to get some faith in you guys, a huge number of you come out and pull this bullshit on me. 

For starters: a French Cruller is delicious. From Dunkin Donuts to your local fresh Artisan hand crafted hipster bakery. The cruller ALWAYS adds appropriate texture relief from the mundane cake donuts. Flaky enough to play with the croissants but sturdy enough to match up with the Long Johns. Light glaze that doesn't overwhelm the senses and goop in the heat. Some call it the best glaze available in all donut categories everywhere. 

This came up earlier today when this guy sent me a confusing box. 4 blueberrys is a lot and I love a good blueberry donut. But my eye got drawn to the double Cruller which I found interesting. I found it unique. Usually you see one Cruller. This guy went heavy bottom rack and I don't know if it's on purpose. But it got me thinking. How much do people love a French Cruller and the results were disappointing. 

So this is my plead to you. Even if you're comfortable with toasted coconut. Even if you think strawberry glaze is supreme or a twisted cinnamon (WEAK) competes over 162. Please give French Cruller a chance. Consider the company it keeps on name alone. The Fry, Toast, Vanilla and Onion Soup are all enhanced by being French. Now you add a Cruller to the mix and you just get a more talented roster. Crazy 33% of people are unwilling to accept this. 

More hot debate at Barstool Chicago as we get into French Crullers this week. Subscribe to Barstool Chicago YouTube. Maple Bacon argument is on deck.