Jacob deGrom Has A Stress Reaction In His Right Scapula And Will Be Shut Down For Up To A Month Because Mets Fans Are Not Allowed To Be Happy

Nothing like getting an update that your team's best player is out for at least a month with Opening Day less than a week away! You can change the owner, the manager, and a good chunk the roster. But as long as the same cocksucking Baseball Gods are calling the shots, the New York Metropolitans Baseball Club will continue to get absolutely fucked.

Let's see how our pal KFC is dealing with the news...

If the next tweet from Kevin isn't him cumming himself then jumping off a bridge, I am going to SNAP

I want to be the optimistic Mets fan and say that Jake is only out for "up to a month". But I've seen this movie way too many times to have any kind of positive outlook on everything other than the @Mets Twitter account no longer giving us bad news in Photoshopped text anymore.

It should be against the law, both of man and baseball, to have something like this come down before Opening Day when every fanbase can be excited about. I know people won't believe me, but I was on actually my way to the gym when I saw this news but now I am ordering a pizza and wings. People will definitely believe that last part. Anyway, anything that happens to this father of two is directly on the heads of the Baseball Gods. Okay, I'm rambling.

I say this part of the blog sincerely. Is there any way Steve Cohen can spend his billions of dollars to buy a scapula capable of throwing 103 MPH effortlessly in a day instead of a month or maybe even build one? I know he can use that money to acquire another pitcher and blow past the tax named after him. But I just really really really wanna see Jacob deGrom pitch again, sooner rather than later (if at all because I have no clue how bad scapula injuries are since I didn't know the existed mere minutes ago).

Takes deep breath

You know what? Scherzer, Bassitt, Walker, Carrasco, Megill is still a solid rotation, even if I have serious questions with at least two of those guys. But it wouldn't be a Mets season without talking yourself into the best case scenario after getting your guts ripped out in 280 characters or less on Twitter. 

Speaking of Twitter, what was that?

OH COME ON, WHAT THE FUCK?!? Eddie C is donzeo too? Not that I blame him jumping off this misery wagon. Screw it, bring the lockout back and fuuuuuuuck scapulas.

I need a Coors Light with mountains so blue you would swear they were purple because I need to chill out right now.