Everything You Need To Know About Russian Gas Prices And Tall Bikes
That my friends is a man named Red Ed - an extremely kind and genuine individual that has been repeatedly accused of doubling as a communist insurgent working to subvert capitalism on a global scale. Importantly though - I'm not making any of these claims myself. I'm just repeating what people say and what I've heard in the garages and alleys across Chicago. And lately things have gotten out of control with the gas prices which Eddie conveniently addressed today with Chief:
Having said that, the Russian ties are growing so bold and strong that I'm forced to go back in time.
Ed's Barstool origin story is quite literally showing up to the 2013 Greg Olsen charity kickball tournament where Dave Portnoy was mysteriously ejected for reasons that remain under protest to this day. Nevertheless Barstool was subsequently forced to take on a substitute who just so happened to be Eddie. I've heard from several independent accounts over the years alleging they saw Eddie carpool with the umpire from the Northwest Side to Grant park that morning. They claimed it was a set up all along.
When I confronted Eddie about this he nonchalantly dismissed the claims as nonsense from the Tall Bike crowd. He continued:
It was a hot day and I saw him waiting for the bus in all his umpire equipment sweating his balls off so I offered him a ride. People from the neighborhood do it all the time. He's not a bad guy.
The umpire's name is Vladimir Komissarov. Legend has it Joseph McCarthy waterboarded his parents. Make of that what you will, but it's worth mentioning that some people think Eddie was planted by the Russian government within Barstool to subvert and control certain messaging. Which sounds shady but let me ask you guys who is the one doing podcasts on the Russian invasion? Who spends the most exclusive time candidly interviewing A-list influencer Dave Portnoy? Who recently acquired a Tesla merely weeks before gas prices surged to record highs? I've never been a big conspiracy guy because it's exhausting but there's simply too many well connected dots here.
And now Tall Bikes come under fire. While supporting the most American brand of all time (great Miller Lite hat), no less. This is a classic Zig Zag where we put Tall Bikes under the microscope while he plants the seeds of chaos in our subconscious. The Tall Bike movement is meant to divide our passions for the bicycle community and sustainable transportation at a time domestic & oil gas production is needed more than ever. If you think all of this can just happen and exist coincidentally then you simply haven't been paying attention to the Dog Walk Snake Drafts. In that case: Shame On You.
Barstool Chicago Geopolitics aside, I think this week is one of my favorite episodes of all time as we dissected the X's & O's of being a douchebag with Ryan Whitney. It's an electric episode and I say that knowing that we tend to overuse the word electric at an alarming rate. Even so, this one's absolutely fucking electric.
The topic was also interesting because - as Whitney so astutely points out - we're all guilty of so many of these douchebag moves. And not just the guys on the podcast but I would imagine a very large chunk of you people tuning in as well. That was initially uncomfortable in all this self reflection but then you realize that it's not uncommon. Like it's okay if you're going through a phase or you have some douchey skeletons in your closet. Try to get better as you go along. You don't have to take out that loan for the new jetski. You don't have to talk down to other people because you're dad is a mildly successful midmarket commercial real estate attorney from suburban Kansas City. Just keep moving through life with a good attitude and you'll be okay.
As for sequels - someone mentioned a hilarious idea of drafting Super Nice Guy Moves and I can't stop thinking about that draft. Even though this one is firmly in my top 5 now, I think Super Nice Guy Moves absolutely crushes. Subscribe to our YouTube page if you agree.
And definitely watch this week's draft: