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Sunday Scaries: It Appears To Be Quite Literally Impossible To Stop The New Sixers Big 3

Adam Hunger. Getty Images.

So I'm not exactly what you'd consider to be an "expert analyst" when it comes to basketball. I played one year when I was in 1st grade and that's the extent of my playing career. But I do know that at the end of the day, the team that puts the most amount of points on the scoreboard wins the game. Which is brutally devastating news for anybody who has the Philadelphia 76ers coming up on their schedule, because it's impossible to stop the trio of Joel Embiid, James Harden and Tyrese Maxey. Don't take my word for it, take the numbers. 

Even when it takes Tobias Harris 43 minutes before he can get himself going, these three are going to be putting up so many buckets you'd think you were in Home Depot. Though I typically prefer the blue look of the Lowe's bucket, that's a conversation for another day. Moral of the story, there's just no way to stop this: 

Bing bong! Even if somehow miraculously against all laws of physics you find a way to stop that, then there's no way to stop this:

And if by the grace of god you manage to figure out a way to stop that, well then there's just purely no gosh darn frickin' way in heck you're going to stop this:

First weekend with James Harden as a Sixer and he already puts up a triple-double. Just a reminder that Ben Simmons has put up a grand total of zero triple-doubles this season. 

It doesn't matter if half of the Sixers points come from free throws. That just goes to show that teams literally have no way of stopping them besides resorting to breaking the rules and getting called for it. The great news is that all of these guys can actually make their free throws, so being a bunch of cheaters on defense is a donkey-brained strategy unless you're looking to give up free points and put your own team in foul trouble. 

So yeah. My heart goes out to anybody who has to face these Sixers in the near future. You cannot stop them, you can only hope to contain them. Now play the song!

@JordieBarstool