Disney Announced It's Building Residential Neighborhoods Across the U.S. So All the Disney Adults Can Live Together

Disney — As more fans look for new ways to make Disney a bigger part of their lives, today we are announcing plans to introduce Storyliving by Disney, vibrant new neighborhoods that are infused with our special brand of magic. Each community will feature distinctively designed spaces, unique amenities and Disney’s brand of world-renowned service.

These master-planned, new home communities are intended to inspire residents to foster new friendships, pursue their interests and write the next exciting chapter in their lives —all while enjoying the attention to detail and special touches that are Disney hallmarks.

At each location, including some neighborhoods for residents ages 55+, Disney cast members trained in the company’s legendary guest service will operate the community association. Through a club membership, Disney will also provide access to curated experiences, such as wellness programming; entertainment ranging from live performances to cooking classes; philanthropic endeavors; seminars and much more.

This is so close to being a good idea. Disney does hospitality better than any company in the world. If you could promise me normal people would be inhabiting these neighborhoods, I'd be first in line to live in a community curated by Disney. These things are probably going to be awesome.

The problem is we all know it will most certainly not be normal people. Your neighbors are going to be the absolute worst of the worst Disney adults.

And when I say Disney adults, I'm not talking about people who enjoy Disney movies or going to Disney World. I love Disney World, it's awesome. I'm talking about the 43-year-olds without children who watch weekly YouTube videos dissecting the new snacks at Epcot and projecting what will be new at this year's Halloween party in March. That's who will be snatching up these homes.

It's either a great or horrific idea to congregate all these people into concentrated areas, I'm just not sure which yet. Hopefully these work like college campuses, where we intentionally put a large group of people we know are prone to making questionable decisions into one designated are and let them do their thing within those confines. Give them the illusion of freedom.

These communities actually look sick, though. Youth is wasted on the young and these awesome neighborhoods are going to be wasted on the Disney adults. Damn shame.