The Definitive Ranking Of The Greatest South Park Episodes Of All Time

Yesterday I was exceptionally hungover. I don't know why. I went out for the game, came home, and went to bed. That was it. I wasn't out late or anything at all. Just one of those "fuck you" hangovers that shouldn't exist.

I also got into a car accident. Nothing major, just my bumper all fucked up, but it was enough to put me over the edge. Decided to curl up on the couch and watch South Park non stop until Tuesday arrived and I could start from scratch. Why is the super bowl not played on a Saturday again…?

Like always when I watch South Park, I bounced around from season to season and episode to episode. Cherrypicked my favorite episodes. This is a perennial occurrence for me; I love South Park but rarely watch it live. I opt to binge watch instead. Because of that, I haven't seen the last handful of seasons to completion. 

That said, I still have the power to rank the greatest episodes in the program's history. Don't care that I haven't seen 100% of the last 3-4 seasons. I am the one with the power to blog on Barstool Sports dot com and you don't. You will respect my authority:

Besides, I'm not even doing this for me. I'm doing this for you, the people. It was a request I received on Twitter yesterday and I will bend over backwards for our loyal audience. I was asked to rank my top 10

And I always, ALWAYS deliver for the people. Without further adieu, here's the definitive top 10 South Park episodes ranking. 

This shit was damn near impossible though. South Park is one of the all time great TV shows and narrowing it down to 10 of their best episodes is an impossible task. Please note that South Park clips are VERY hard to embed now. They have their shit locked down like it's the federal reserve.

10: The Return Of The Fellowship of the Two Towers (S9, E6)

I don't think think this episode gets NEAR the love it deserves. Just a hilarious spin on the Lord of the Rings movies. It has it all; Randy getting frisky and buying a porno, Jimmy getting stampeded, Butters doing Butters' things and, of course, we were introduced to Backdoor Sluts 9. Great episode very worthy of cracking the top 10

9. Casa Bonita (S7, E11)

Cartman's evil, manipulative ways and Butters' naive, sheltered ways make for perfect television. Those two dichotomies clash in Casa Bonita better than any other episode, perhaps. An easy pick for the top 10

8. Marjorine (S9, E9)

Anytime you fake a suicide with a pig carcass and resurrect a dead 4th grader to infiltrate a girl's slumber party in order to steal a time traveling device, you have my attention. Butters is perfectly Butters in this episode and his whole side story is laugh out loud funny in this episode.

7. Good Times With Weapons (S8, E1)

I have a feeling this episode will be the one that pisses people off the most. I LOVE it though. One of my all time favorites. When Cartman is sneaking across the stage because he's "invisible" I get an ab workout from laughing so hard.

6. Butters Very Own Episode (S5, E14)

This is the episode we are introduced to one of TV's great side characters. Sure, it's not technically the first episode he was in, but the first where he was a/the focal point of the show and it did NOT miss. He's just an innocent little whippersnapper and everyone on earth is out to take advantage of that. His parents are both super fucked up and their derangement makes for TV perfection

5. Hell On Earth 2006 (S10, E11)

A true classic. The Dahmer/Gacy/Bundy storyline is A+, the cast of people in Hell- people like Princess Diana and Ghandi - are hilarious, and the Croc Hunter's cameo was the first time (to my knowledge) that it was apparent Matt and Tray had started writing their episodes on the fly. Steve Irwin was dead for like a week when this episode came out and they worked him in with a stingray lodged in his heart.

No costume though so Satan booted him from the party. Laugh out loud funny.

4. Awesome-0 (S8, E5)

Like I said, anytime you get an episode of South Park where Cartman and Butters personalities are playing off each other, you're in for a TREAT. This is the best example of that. The extent Cartman goes to fuck with Butters is hilarious. I wish I had a friend like that. I'd be relentless on him just like Cartman. 

3. Scott Tenorman Must Die (S5, E4)

This is perhaps the most important South Park episode ever. It was the FIRST time we saw how evil and manipulative Cartman really is and set the ton for 20 more years of greatness out of one of television's all time great characters. I mean hosting a chili cook off and feeding your arch nemesis his parents in said chili? Yes please. 

The episode is hilarious, yes, but not QUITE as funny as others, but it's easily a top 5 episode due to how it set up the rest of the show moving forward. Cartman was born on this episode. I will hear no other arguments.

2. Make Love, Not Warcraft (S10, E8)

There should be ZERO argument from anyone that this is a top 5 episode of all time. TV greatness. I'll leave it at that because nothing else has to be said.

1. The Imaginationland Trilogy (S11, E10-12)

In my mind, the Imaginationland Trilogy is the greatest stretch of work Matt and Trey has ever put out. Yes, it's 3 episodes but I'm counting it as one singular episode to make it easy. I make the rules here. Nevertheless, it is a perfect example of how fucked up Matt and Trey's brains are. The Mayor is one of the best one-off characters in the show. When Butters asks him if they're gonna rape him, his face is priceless:

That, and when he is dying and tells Butters to "click his heels together 3 times" then calls him a "fucking idiot" for falling for the joke… I can't. I just can't stop laughing. It will never cease being funny. The Imaginationland Trilogy is the BEST South Park of all time. 

Now I know there are plenty of omissions. Like I said, this was an impossible list to put together but I had no choice. Notable honorable mentions are 

- With Apologies to Jesse Jackson
- Go God Go Parts 1&2
- Medicinal Fried Chicken
- Cartman Sucks
- The Death of Eric Cartman
- The Losing Edge
- Tsst
- Le Petit Tourette
- Any episode with The Coon
- Free Willzyx

I'm sure I'm missing a few more too. This is the part of the blog where I open the floor (comment section) up for debate. I wish I could embed videos and GIFs into this blog, but like I said, South Park realllllly protects their copyrights and the videos aren't able to be embedded. 

I wish we could do a snake draft for something South Park related, but I'm the only one in the Chicago office who watches the show. The others are all uncultured cretins. They sicken me and I hate them all.