Apple's Newest Emoji Is Going To Lead To Unprecedented Levels Of Horniness

"Hey Siri, enhance"

"Hey Siri, please tell me how horny this emoji is"

Horniness Level:

Welp, I guess the days of needing to be creative with your emojis to relay you wanted to get kinky. Time to throw the eggplant, water drops, and even kiss emoji to the side to collect dust because none of them carry anywhere NEAR the sexual weight of the lip bite. Don't believe me? Here are Exhibits A-G.

I guarantee we lost more than a few readers to their browser's Incognito Mode after those gifs because that's the power of the lip bite. In fact, I bet Tim Apple was told by the heads of multiple governments that we need to start pumping out more humans again after two years of being stuck inside with our TVs, snacks, and very little human contact so he went to the drawing board then came back with that sexually subtle nuclear bomb that is going to create a whole new set of Baby Boomers.

I'm not criticizing anything about this in the least since my old ass has been spoken for since before the iPhone was even born and the only emojis my personal Gatekeeper sends me these days are the eyeroll emoji whenever I say text some dumb shit, which is pretty often. But to all of you out there in the dating game, please use this emoji with caution and triple check the recipient of your texts before sending because I can't imagine how deep a hole you would have to crawl into if you mistakenly sent a parent the Lip Bite from your Recently Used instead of a Thumbs Up.