Darren Rovell Owns “Over Nine MLK Signed Items” That He Outright Refuses To Donate To The Smithsonian
The internet is a door, and with the advancement in cell phone technology over the last 15 years we now all have knobs to this door in our hands at all hours of the day. But the thing about this door is that it is an ever-changing mystery. You’re addicted to opening this door despite never knowing what is going to be on the other side. Sometimes it’s a cool highlight from a team you don’t even follow, other times it’s a video of a dog and a turtle becoming pals, and then sometimes there’s this guy who bought Hugh Hefner’s viagra bottle boasting about owning “over nine” Martin Luther King, Jr. documents ON Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
Much like my qualms with how many blimps exist in the world today (somewhere between 15-25, no one knows for certain), NINE simply isn’t a large enough number to stop the count. Especially when it comes to something as important, in his own goddamn words, as historic artifacts from one of the most integral Americans of all time. This isn’t “here’s a picture of my father marching arm and arm next to MLK.” This is, literally, “I bought it off the jailhouse warden’s family and no one else can touch it.” You know, the villains of this story? They’re still somehow profiting. Thanks, Darren!
The stunned silence from that Twitter space really tells the whole story. The “I’m SORRY for being white” immediately met with an extremely fed up “Alright” is almost as funny as talking about owning a signed Rosa Parks rookie card. This shit is not about race, please stop yelling at everyone. This is about claiming to be a student and fan of the history while simultaneously refusing to part with such documents because of their monetary value. If he truly cared about the historical importance there would be no hesitancy to send it off to a museum, any museum, so that future generations could get a glimpse at such a key figure in our country’s history. I believe that is what’s counterintuitive here, not folks calling you a dickhead for being a dickhead. I also believe I will not be able to sleep a wink tonight until I know what else he’s got in this British museum of a house he’s built. “See that shovel? That’s the shovel they dug the underground railroad with.”
Every single thing I have learned about Darren Rovell has been against my will, and that doesn’t appear to be changing any time soon. He will never log off, he will never do the thing a real live human would do in any scenario he finds himself in, he will burn every historic artifact he owns upon his demise and wipe out an era of human history not unlike the flames at the Great Library of Alexandria. And there is simply nothing we can do to stop it.