My New Year's Resolution Is To Be A Man And Drink Whiskey
I'm not the manliest man in the world. I'm not great at assembling furniture, my athletic ability is that of a 7 year old, and I don't drink whiskey. Well my friends, 1 of those is about to change. No, I'm not going to start doing manual labor- I'm going to continue hiring a Task Rabbit for even the most mundane of house-hold tasks. And no, I am not going to start pumping iron so my arms don't resemble Gumby's anymore. Nay. But I am, hear you me, going to work my darnedest to start drinking more whiskey.
We've discussed this on the blog/podcasts/wherever a few times- part of being an adult is have a drink at a bar. When I'm not in "I want to get in shape" mode I drink beers. I don't ironically enjoy IPAs, I straight up enjoy them. Like, I think an IPA is delicious. But the problem with drinking an IPA is, fellas you already know where I'm going with this, it's full of calories and carbs. Joking but not. At 33 years old, my stomach is my boss. It chooses what I can and cannot eat/drink. And IPAs gives my stomach fits. I think it's the gluten, but I'll never get that tested, no way. I'll just continue to suffer. But you guys know what I mean, if you have too many IPAs, you can end up having yourself a bad time.
Right now, my go-to is the classic vodka soda. Do vodka sodas get you laid though? So far, no dice. And to be honest I'm kinda sick of them. They go down way too easy, aren't particularly tasty, and I'm more or less bored of them. I don't feel anything when I drink one. It's just the easy alternative to beer, they're gluten free, and you can tell yourself that you're hydrating while getting intoxicated. But I think it's time I step up to the big leagues.
I've tried and old fashioned many times over the last 5 years or so, and have never been like "yes, that's the one for me". I've tried whiskey straight out of the bottle (don't judge me, we all have our own shit), and I can't say it went down smooth. But now, something has happened. My hair has fallen out. My heart has been broken. And most importantly, WhistlePig has entered my life.
Let me take you back to about 9 months ago- the handsome Uncle Chaps was in town, and we were shooting the breeze. I don't know how it came up, but we were sipping drinks and there was a fancy bottle of WhistlePig in the office. He offered me some and I was like "I'm not much of a whiskey guy". He told me that's because I've been drinking the wrong stuff. Ok, fair enough, let's see what this WhistlePig is all about. I took a sip and….not bad! I didn't test my fate though, I left it at that.
Then I went to Coley's wedding, and like a scene from LOST, there was a bottle of WhiskeyPig just sitting there, asking to be drank. I obliged, as I'm not one to stay sober at a wedding, especially one in Maine. Seriously, have you ever been to Maine? If the state motto isn't "Drink Whiskey Or Die" they are doing it wrong. So I took a few pulls of the Pig and had myself a good night. That was in July, and I hadn't had the Pig again until….
Well would you look at that. Seriously, I feel like a skinnier Hurley from LOST right now the way things are just lining up. WhistlePig put their name on our poker podcast. How amazing is that? I've been bumping into the Pig here and there for the last year, and then they, like destiny, became the presenting sponsor for the Cracking Aces podcast. Mind blown. Right now I'm drinking the PiggyBack cans, which are 8% and a nice segue between non-whiskey drinkers and "I'll have WhistlePig neat please".
My goal for this year is to become a full time whiskey drinker, no can necessary. I want to feel confident ordering it at bars. I want to look like a god damn man. I want to impress the ladies when I order a drink. "Oh look at Eric he's so hot he drinks brown alcohol and doesn't throw up, do meeeee" they type in their group chats.
Will I succeed? Probably. It's a lot easier than "eat healthier" or "go to the gym" or "get therapy because you can hardly get out of bed most days". I'm going to train my palate to be a whiskey lover. A WhistlePig lover. I can't wait.
And while we're at it, please support my family by subscribing to the Cracking Aces podcast. We do this fun little podcast, and hope you join us on the ride to the next WSOP, which is less than 6 months away now!
5 stars/nice reviews always help, and thank you if you are a supporter. To a great 2022 for all of us! Oh, and if you are a Pig drinker, send pictures of you playing poker while drinking some. All hands on deck, friends helping friends. Namaste.