Some Absolute Maniac Decided To Storm The Cockpit Of An American Airlines Plane, Destroy The Flight Controls, Then Tried To Jump Out The Window

Alright, I think we've finally hit the point of absurdity on airplanes where it's gone too far. I'm all for the viral videos of people throwing haymakers in a 6 inch x 6 inch space or committing the most foul violations of common courtesy to the person next to them simply because they paid for a ticket because I refuse to fly with my two young children and these airplane blogs usually do numbers.

However, the aggression in this story will not stand. How fucking maniacal do you have to be to storm a cockpit before a flight? Sure security may have been a never-ending line and the airport bar could have overserved you. But getting onto a plane is one of the best feelings you can have, even though you know in the back of your head you are about to be stuck in a cramped seat for hours with your last flashing before your eyes every time you hit a rough patch of turbulence. I know that something as relatively simple as de-icing a plane or waiting to get the green light from the control tower can delay a flight for a while. I can't imagine how long passengers on the plane would have to wait for the airline to figure out a solution for some dickhead smashing the number 1 lever, which common sense is CLEARLY the more important lever for flying a plane.

The answer according to the Washington Post was that these passengers were stranded at the airport for almost SEVEN additional hours.

The flight was initially set to depart shortly before 3 p.m. local time, with the replacement plane’s takeoff scheduled for 9:30 p.m., though it ultimately departed at 10:45 p.m., according to the American Airlines website. Passengers were scheduled to arrive in Miami about 6:15 p.m., but after the ordeal they finally arrived at 1:50 a.m. Wednesday, according to the website.

Which takes me to my solution if the death penalty is off the table. For now on, if you pull any of the bullshit that has been deemed Barstool blogworthy, you should have to be a passenger on a real life Con Air flight. I'm not talking about just a regular flight with convicts on it either. I'm talking about the flights with the real crazy fucks like Cyrus The Virus and the Steve Buscemi character that once drove through three states wearing a girl's head as a hat.

You know the passengers are fucked up when a person who roots for the White Sox AND Cubs is supposed to be the good guy

You want to act a fool on a plane full of normal people just trying to get from Point A to Point B as quickly as possible for as little money as possible? Fine. But your next flight will be with people that have nothing to lose and may have a shortage of guards due to this never-ending pandemic fucking up the availability of everything from bus drivers at schools to materials for construction to coffee on grocery store shelves. And I'll be there to blog whatever shenanigans you pull on the American Airlines flight as well as anything that may happen on the Con Air flight (There has to be real life Con Air flights, right? Please tell me that wasn't completely made up).

Speaking of which, this was soooooo fucked up, even for a dude with the nickname The Virus, which admittedly rings even louder in 2022 than it did in 1997.

Barstool Confession: When I read that first tweet, I thought it meant the flight was in the air when all this shit went down, which would have been 1000000 times more crazy and dangerous midflight. I may have purposely kept it vague in the headline and thumbnail to get extra clicks. For that I apologize and my penance is 10 minutes of great scenes from the movie Airplane which is a first ballot Hall Of Fame comedy and if you haven't seen it yet, make plans to see it in the next few days or else your next flight will be cursed with an asshole like the one above. Yes I'm serious and don't call me Shirley. That line likely doesn't make a lick of sense to you if you've never seen the movie but that's okay.