ATTN: Scientists, Why Won't Anyone Try My Sump Pump Idea To Fix Global Warming?
You probably missed this blog because I published it on New Years, but we have a HUGE fucking problem on our hands according to science. This giant ass glacier is melting and it's water is coming for us all
I've heard EVERY solution under the sun from all corners of the internet talking about this problem. More solar panels, less solar panels, wind turbines, paper straws, everyone drive a Tesla, shutdown pipelines, give Russia pipelines, everyone drive a Tesla, eat less meat, make gasoline out of corn...all in the name of stopping climate change so we can prevent sea level rise in order to save millions of lives and potentially trillions of dollars. I am all for it. No stone left unturned.
Having said that...nobody in scientific community seems to share my belief. My stones are definitely unturned. Particularly my sump pump stone. Sometimes there are easy answers if you get the scientists out of the way. For instance, who saved the planet when are asteroid the size of Texas was flying towards us? Was it the scientists? No. It was a group of fucking roughneck oil drillers. Well for this problem maybe we should call a plumber. Water in the basement of the ocean? Fuck that shit. Just get a GIANT sump pump down there and run a pipeline of the melt water all the way to the South Pole and build that glacier back better. That is an infrastructure project everyone can understand and get behind. Let it refreeze far from the coast. Pump that water back so far that it literally won't reach the ocean again for eons. We already have giant pumps at the bottom of the ocean extracting oil. Just retrofit those bad boys and figure out a type of pipe that won't freeze on it's way to the South Pole.
People will probably assume I am joking or being tongue in cheek, and maybe there is an element of that, but...at the same time, I can't figure out a reasonable objection to this idea so if you're a scientist please hit me up because to me it seems like it should be at least worth a try. If it doesn't work, fuck it, we waste money on dumb shit all the time. This will be a drop in the ocean, literally. Hell...just make exxon-mobile fund it if they're the ones who put us in this position to begin with.