Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Chugged Two Bottles Of Wine In A Grocery Store Bathroom And Shoved Sushi Down His Pants?

Daily Mail- A Texas man has been charged with theft after cops say he was caught trying to leave a grocery store with his pants stuffed with sushi after chugging two bottles of pilfered wine in the bathroom. Nathan Phifer, 28, was in a Friendswood, H-E-B store on July 29 when police say he took three bottles of wine into the restroom, where he chugged two of them. Back out in the store, Phifer allegedly picked up some prepared sushi from a cooler and shoved it down his pants before attempting to leave the store to enjoy his dinner – and perhaps that third bottle of wine. Staff detained Phifer at the door until police arrived, reports KPRC. Phifer might have kindred spirits in the form of a mother-son duo across the pond in the West Midlands of England who committed similar crimes earlier this summer. Janet Rollinson, 51, and Stuart Round, 26, were jailed earlier this month after they were caught on CCTV footage stuffing the stolen goods down their trousers and making off without paying.

When trying to join the Finer Things Club goes wrong.  I’ll give him this, he picked the right items.  He nailed that.  Wine and sushi.  Classy as fuck.  Ask any girl and they’ll tell you that’s all they want on a date.  Booze, raw fish, maybe a little Ed Sheeran, massage their shoulders and their panties are more than likely coming off.  So he had that right but the execution was all wrong.  I need to know what series of events led up to this guy in a grocery store bathroom chugging bottles of wine.  That’s gotta be one hell of a story.  That guy was a baby just like the rest of us.  Clean slate.  Anything is possible.  Smash cut to 28ish years later and he’s got three bottles of riesling in his drawers and he saved room for sushi.  Wild stuff.  Not sure if he stole riesling but riesling is easily one of the most chuggable wines so I’m just assuming.  I chug at least two bottles of riesling at every family holiday and it’s the best.

TFW the wine kicks in but you’re in jail