So When Do We Finally Find Out What Matt Judon Said About Carson Wentz' Reproductive System?

It's been three days since this beef with Matthew Judon that Carson Wentz later explained, “I don’t know if I’ve ever been that fired up on the football field." For the normally fairly placid Wentz, who spent his time on the sidelines wearing a mask under his chin, to get within droplet-spitting distance of Judon in a way he's never done before, there had to be what police call "an inciting incident." 

And so far all we've gotten by way of explanation is Wentz saying, “Don’t need to go into specifics, obviously, but when a man’s ability to reproduce is being in question and there’s some other extracurriculars, guys’ hands need to be at their sides. Let’s just say that. When that happens, you can get pretty riled up.” Which is not an explanation at all. 

For his part, Judon, who practically leads the Patriots in interviews this year, hasn't been heard from since he cryptically told reporters, “I don’t know. Leave it out on the field. Carson’s a good guy. He got mad about something, who knows, and I guess that anger was directed towards me.” 

I'm sorry, but in a league that prides itself on making players accessible in order to "improve the fan experience" and "grow the game," that's just not good enough. Not by a damned sight. Unacceptable. Two men were just in a square off about the ability of one of them to make babies, allegedly, and we need to get to the bottom of this. 

Why are we wasting time on anything else? If two guys on your cul-de-sac started jawing over the rose bushes at one another and insults flew about their sperm counts or whatever, would you just go back to mowing your lawn? Hell no. This is the quintessential man argument. It's deep in the male psyche. Our ability to impregnate (when we want to) determines our place in the hierarchy. It's central to our being. It's guided the evolutionary process since our ancestors crawled out of the primordial ooze. To question a rival's baby batter content is a form of challenging him for control over the pack. It separates the Alphas from the Betas, if you will. I mean, Hitler only had one testicle, and look what that did to him? 

So yeah, we need clarity on this. Not Wentz' vague answer and Judon IDK-ing us. Did he accuse Wentz of suffering from ED? Call him sterile? Say he's got Low-T? Do the "Carson has a mangina" thing? 

Or maybe he just went old school, asked Wentz "What's the capital of Thailand?" and gave him the answer with the back of his knuckles. 

What I'm saying is, by now, we shouldn't be speculating on this. The public has a right to know and I speak for everyone when I say we demand answers. I'm calling on all Colts and Patriots media people not to rest or ask either man another question until we get this mystery resolved. 

One thing that we do know, is that there was an ocean of bad blood in this one. If these teams meet in the playoffs, it's going to be an electric factory. Let's hope it happens, for the good of the whole country.