The Reason We Hang Stockings At Christmas Is Because Of A Skinny Guy In Turkey

Good Ol' Saint Nick has to be fucking FURIOUS that over time he became the symbol of Christmas but that symbol is of a bearded fat guy weighing like 350 lbs. Commercialism gave Santa Claus a Vince Wilfork body when in reality he was just a skinny kid sharing his wealth with poor folks in Turkey so they didn't have to sell their daughters into slavery. I would be so pissed if I were him. I got fat in real life and I much prefer the cartoon rendering that Trigs did that makes me hot as fuck. That is how I want to be remembered.