Slay Anything

"NOT ANOTHER CUSACK BLOG!... WHO GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE?!?!"

Wait... This one is different.

Before yesterday, I used to wonder what this generation knew about John Cusack?... And that's assuming that they even knew him at all.

For old people, I think he is probably best remembered for his portrayal of Lloyd Dobler in 1989's Say Anything.

For really old people (like me and Rear Admiral) he's best known for a bit part in Sixteen Candles and lead roles in both Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer (with a barely legal Demi Moore).

This latest generation might know him from the Hot Tub Time Machine franchise, or maybe recognize him from when ConAir runs on TBS once a day.  

And for some, his name wouldn't ring a bell at all.

That was… Until he was (kinda) molested in public by White Sox Dave.

But I have something Mr. Cusack SHOULD be remembered fondly for… I wrote about it in 2019, and I am re-blogging it now for fun.

At some point in the winter of 2019, an old buddy randomly sent me a list of women John Cusack dated and I was floored.

I had written about Celebrity Knock Lists in the past, but the names I profiled (Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, etc.) all made more sense from an attractiveness standpoint.

Then along comes plain old John Cusack, who put up numbers that you would think would be reserved for the Brad Pitts or Idris Elbas of this world.

I will dive right into it, and try to keep it as classy as possible… 

HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE BROADS JOHN CUSACK HAS BANGED (some are rumored or alleged)

Brooke Burns from 2010-2011…

Jean-Paul Aussenard. Getty Images.

Rumored to have dated Rebecca Romijn after her breakup in 2004…

20th Century Fox. Shutterstock Images.

Jennifer Love Hewitt in 2003…

Jodi Lyn O'Keefe from 2003-2009…

Jim Smeal. Getty Images.

Rumored to have dated Venezuelan actress/singer/sit-up executor Gabriela Spanic in 2003…

He also dated Neve Campbell from 1998 to 2002… Which was around the same time Neve shot this pool scene for Wild Things with Denise Richards…

I'd love to post this whole scene, but it gets too "deep in the weeds", so to speak.

Alison Eastwood in 1997 (Clint's daughter)…

Peter Brooker. Shutterstock Images.

Allegedly Minnie Driver (which is also my wife's pet name for my dolphin-shaped penis) in 1997…

Gina Gershon in 1992…

Melissa Gilbert In 1983…

Okay… Normally, I wouldn't put the little girl from Little House on The Prairie on this list, but a full-grown Gilbert reportedly slept with Cusack only to get back at her smoking-hot boyfriend, Rob Lowe, for cheating on her with the equally smoking-hot Nastassja Kinski.

ullstein bild Dtl.. Getty Images.

Claire Forlani (who also dated Brad Pitt)…

Gregg DeGuire. Getty Images.

Uma Thurman off and on for years…

Dave M. Benett. Getty Images.

Janice Dickinson (before all the surgery)… Self-proclaimed "First Supermodel" and eventual Bill Cosby victim…  

That last one, Janice Dickinson, is also alleged.  She claimed to have had sex with Cusack on a plane, and also said John had a HUGE dick… Which explains A LOT of the other scattered ass on this list.

Cusack, now 55 (and apparently a White Sox fan), has never been married and continues to be on the prowl.  

He's made it a priority to keep his romances private since his breakup with Burns in 2011, but even from the incomplete list I have posted above… And even if you despise his refusal to support only one baseball team…  It is relatively easy to appreciate John Cusack as sneakily one of the greatest Hollywood cocksmen of all time.

Hopefully, he and Dave can find some common ground with that realization, and we can all just get along.

Take a report.

-Large