Marty Walsh Wants To Ban Dip At Ballparks In Boston, Including At Fenway

BOSTON (AP) — From iconic Fenway Park to little league fields in Southie, Boston Mayor Martin J. Walsh wants to ban the use of snuff and chewing tobacco in sports venues across the city. The mayor is expected to discuss the proposal Wednesday morning at a city park where he’ll be joined by public health officials, advocates, local youth and former Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. Schilling, now an ESPN analyst, revealed earlier this year he was diagnosed and treated for mouth cancer. He believes chewing tobacco was the cause. “Our baseball parks are places for creating healthy futures, and this ordinance is about doing the right thing as a community for our young people,” Walsh said in a statement ahead of Wednesday’s announcement. “The consequences of smokeless tobacco are real, and we must do all that we can to set an example.” Walsh plans to officially file the ordinance with the City Council on Monday. Specifically, he wants to prohibit use of “smokeless tobacco” products, which his proposal defines as any product containing “cut, ground, powdered, or leaf tobacco and is intended to be placed in the oral or nasal cavity.” It would include, but not be limited to, snuff, chewing tobacco, dipping tobacco and dissolvable tobacco products, according to his office. The proposed ordinance would cover professional, collegiate, high school or organized amateur sporting events and be effective April 1, 2016.

Alright, Marty, let’s just pump the brakes here, bubba. Don’t you come for my dip, don’t even think about it. Chewing tobacco is an integral part of America’s pastime. Whether you’re watching or participating, you’re not really a part of the game unless you’ve got a chew in. The kids in The Sandlot were smart enough to realize that but somehow Marty Walsh isn’t. What are you gonna come for next? Ban curveballs? Ban doubles? Baseball can’t exist without dip. Why? Because, admittedly, can be kinda boring. And dip is the best thing to do when you’re bored. Shitting, showering, driving, watching a three and a half hour Sox-Yanks game… all of it is greatly improved with a chew. So if I’m in the stands at Fenway in April 2016 you better bring a goddamn army to tell me to spit my smokeless out.