Pretty Woman, my ass!
I just had an endoscopy and colonoscopy.
Got home about an hour ago, and I am still a little high on a WONDERFUL drug called Propofol... So excuse me if I go astray.
If you don't know what either procedure is, then look them up... They're invasive in places I typically don't like to be invaded.
But after all that my ass and throat went through today, I have to say the most degrading part of the whole process may have been at the very end.
As your time in recovery comes to a conclusion, you are then given the green light to get up, take off your open-back hospital gown, and leave. The nurse pulls the curtain across, giving you a marginally private space to get naked and then dressed.
It was then… As I stood there, totally nude with my feet on the cold linoleum floor of the Recovery Room, I pondered the state on my asshole before I slipped on my boxer briefs. Without rummaging around my backside, I could sense a degree of "squishiness" back there… The remnants of whatever industrial lube they use to slide that 4-foot camera in and out, I presumed.
I quickly ran my index finger across the outer rim of my butt crack and it came up wet.
There were no tissues within eyeshot, and I needed to get dressed ASAP, so I did what any red-blooded American would've done… I wiped the lube out of my asshole with one of the hospital-issued grippy socks I just took off and then threw that sock away in a used hypodermic receptacle nearby.
I imagine that is what a whore must feel like after her "John" finishes up (without the semen, hopefully)… And I gotta say, it didn't feel good. That movie Pretty Woman never covered that little chestnut.
"Psych!… Now blow me."
So a word to the wise: When you go for your first colonoscopy (and if you're over 40, you really should), be prepared for a prep that causes you to shit like a firehose, a camera that is taller than Zah going straight up your ass…
… and a cleanup that is the closest thing to a "Walk of Shame" that you may ever encounter.
Good luck, and take a report.
-Large