Tom Brady Says He Knows Exactly What to Expect Sunday Night. So Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Kirby Lee. Getty Images.

In the Before Times, in the long, long ago, communication was simpler. The Chosen One would speak immediately after a battle, and we would listen. Then we would hear his voice again the next morning, over our listening devices. Then he would address his followers once more, days later, taking questions from the Inquisitors. Then, remain silent. 

Now, the one called GOAT speaks in many forums. Owned and controlled by him. Often for tribute. And his words are meaningful. His words have power. They can inspire both hope and foreboding in all who hear. And as he returns to the land he once ruled as its rightful leader, his speech is that as a usurper. One who comes seeking conquest. And all the common people who heed him are overcome with dread. 

"Oh, I know exactly. I can envision everything. Sunday Night Football, I know what that's like. I know what the night's like. I know what the wind's like. I know how their team's gonna prepare. I know what their schedule's gonna be like. I know what's gonna be said. …"

Tom Brady knows all. Sees all. The future is as clear to him as a memory of that which has already occurred. Even the elements bend to his mighty will.

But those few dozen words are nothing in comparison to the warning Brady issued on his podcast with Larry Fitzgerald and Jim Gray. 

First, he let his father off the hook for dragging Bill Belichick's name last week:

… in a way that was admittedly kind of hilarious:

“I've actually prepared a statement that I wanted to say, and it's really all that I have to say on the subject: 'Comments made by Thomas Edward Brady, a 77-year-old insurance company CEO, who should know better at this point in his life, don't necessarily reflect the views or positions held by his son, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. So furthermore, should Tom Sr. continue to speak out on behalf of his son without the express written consent, Junior reserves the right to eventually put him in a home against his will.' That's all I have to say.”

But besides that, it was No More Mr. Nice GOAT. Even while taking his spiritual GPS's typical route along the high road, the underlying message is that he knows exactly what to expect. And by extension, every move Belichick is going to make before it's made:

 "I'm not going to necessarily reminisce. I don't think this is the moment for that. I'll have plenty opportunities to reminisce about my football career -- none of it, none of which I really care to do right now because I'm so much in the moment. I'm not going to be thinking about 20 years of history. I'm going to be thinking about one night of football, a Sunday night game coming off a really tough loss. …

I wouldn't expect a homecoming. I think they're there to root for their team and their team is the Patriots. And I'll certainly have a lot of people that cheered for me over the years, I know there'll probably be, I'll have a lot of family there and I have a lot of friends that have wanted to go to the game.

"The home crowd at Gillette is a great crowd. And I think they're going to cheer for their team as I would expect them to. And I think if they know anything about me, they're going to know that I'm going out there to try to win the football game. So I think they'll respect that about me. I certainly respect that they're there to pull for their team and that's the way sports goes."

Translation: "I'm not there to wallow in fond memories. I'll leave the nostalgia to the people who coughed up $1,500 a ticket on the secondary market to come watch me level the building I hung six banners in. I come to conquer. To make the Foxboro sewers run red with the blood of all who questioned me, gave me no help and underpaid me. The hordes will arrive in more No. 12 uniforms than in all who have come after me. I will win over the mob. Then will bend the knee before me and my royal family and pledge that they love me more than the Dynasty the claim to serve." 

And on Belichick:

"Well, I have 20 years of being there and, you know, obviously he's a great mentor for me. And, yes, there's definitely great lessons I've learned from him. And, you know, he's a great football coach and he does a great job for his team. Any player I think they would just hope that their coaches give them everything they've got and I'm sure every great coach wants every player to give them everything they've got. And I think that's what makes a great relationship." 

Translation:

P.S. In the course of the last couple of days I'd neglected to check on where Brady ranks on the all time passing yards list. He needs just 67 to overtake Drew Brees. He'll set the record on Tampa's first possession. God help us all.