Jon Lester Proves Once Again That He's The Classiest Man In Professional Sports

This was making the rounds over the weekend and I meant to blog it but I was so busy puking into an empty 5-gallon bucket from going 8 quarters without a touchdown. Both the Illini and the Bears actively decided to one-up my hopelessly pathetic 2021 Cubs. Rinse and repeat with each season in my life. I honestly think the 2016 World Series came at the expense of lifelong misery thereafter and jury is still out if that's a good trade. 

It's not

Whatever. That 2016 championship was special and nobody can take it away from me or (more importantly) Jon Lester. Even in the pain and suffering that's playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, he finds the positivity in life to celebrate with two of his favorite teammates all time. Nothing says I LOVE YOU like a couple of brand new rolexes and some big old man hugs. Jon Lester is nothing but class. 

Nevermind the cost. When you've made over $200,000,000 I don't think price registers with you. For all intents and purposes, Lester could've just bought them a Rolex manufacturing plant in Bern and nobody would've second guessed it. That's the level Jon Lester lives at with his close personal friends. Nothing's off the table. 

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the Chicago Cubs. What should've been an easy decision to bring him back indefinitely has turned into a full blown nightmare. At 67-wins I don't think Jon Lester would have made the club any worse. Especially with some of the names that have replaced his starts. That 200th win should have come in Cubs' pinstripes in front of 44,000 animals and instead I get this soft serve vanilla bullshit with the Cardinals. The only thing that would make me happy is knowing Cubs' leadership is marinating in public embarrassment, and I think we can all assume that's not the case. Not when you have laurels to rest on and self congratulations to hand out. 

Whatever. Jon Lester will hold this grudge for me, and in the meantime he'll continue to be the biggest swinging dick at the cracker factory. Otherwise how do you explain him slinging tens of thousands of dollars in watches for the sworn enemy? You can't. He's all class and the Cubs couldn't have botched his exit any harder. In some way that's kinda funny, which is nice. But not nearly as nice as a brand new Rolex. Nothing beats that.