Model Apologizes for Going Topless on a Boat With Some Royal While the Guy's Princess Bride Was Home with Their Baby

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that if there's one respected institution I have no respect for, it's royalty. How the world's wealthiest welfare family has not only managed to survive centuries of revolution, social upheaval, and anti-imperialism without being overthrown, but to actually be revered by much of the civilized world is one of the great mysteries of the ages. 

And if you ever needed a reminder of just how vast the divide is between the quality of their lives and those of us commoners, here it is. 

Above is model Erica Pelosini. She unwittingly found herself in a controversy involving the husband of Princess Eugenie, who I think is the daughter of the princess we used to say Colin Montgomerie looked like and the pervy twit who spent all that time with Jeffrey Epstein surrounded by underage girls. It seems they were on a boat together, she went Sun's Out, Guns Out - as models are prone to do - got photographed by paparazzi in the process, and unwittingly created a firestorm:

Source - A model pictured cavorting topless with Jack Brooksbank on a boat in Capri today said she 'regrets' it and apologised for 'embarrassing' Princess Eugenie.

Stunning Erica Pelosini and two bikini-clad models enjoyed an afternoon on the sun-kissed Italian coast on a vintage speedboat with Mr Brooksbank clasping a glass of rose while Eugenie was in Windsor looking after their five-month-old son, August.

Eyebrows were raised as the 35-year-old wrapped his arm around Pelsoni's waist during the cruise around the chic Mediterranean island.

A model pictured cavorting topless with Jack Brooksbank on a boat in Capri today said she 'regrets' it and apologised for 'embarrassing' Princess Eugenie.

Stunning Erica Pelosini and two bikini-clad models enjoyed an afternoon on the sun-kissed Italian coast on a vintage speedboat with Mr Brooksbank clasping a glass of rose while Eugenie was in Windsor looking after their five-month-old son, August.

Eyebrows were raised as the 35-year-old wrapped his arm around Pelsoni's waist during the cruise around the chic Mediterranean island.

Mr Brooksbank spent the weekend on the chic Mediterranean island, attending a star-studded charity ball under the stars while his wife is back home. ...

Ms Pelsoni said: 'Looking at the images, I can understand how they could be misinterpreted. I'm topless, Maria is hugging him, and Rachel is also a very beautiful woman, but people are assuming the wrong things."

And THAT, my friends, is the difference between them and us. This Jack Brooksbank is on a speedboat that probably costs more than my house, getting triple teamed by bikini models in the Mediterranean while his wife is home watching her servants change poopy diapers, and Erica is the one apologizing for making him look bad. 

I also think I can speak for all fathers when I say this bears absolutely no resemblance to the life we've led. This guy lives on an entirely different plane of existence to us peasants with young kids. Even if your baby's mom isn't battling post-partum (or what the medical experts of my dad's generation called it, "irrational hysteria that is just so typically of the little ladies"), there are still major issues that hinder your movements. Exhaustion. Worry. Body image. I remember having to make sure the time was exactly right and all the planets in the solar system were aligned in a harmonic convergence just to slip out for an hour to grab a beer with my friends. Golf - to the extent their was any - required taking the 4 a.m. feeding, putting the baby back to bed, slipping out as the sun was coming up, playing a quick nice and being home by 9:30 at the latest. There was as many minutes spent in the company of women you were not related to as there were vintage speedboats off the sun-kissed Amalfi coast. Which is to say, zero. And an equal number of unfamiliar nipples. 

And so how does it work out for this unaccomplished, upper class nimcompoop? He's seen as the victim. He's getting a public apology to go along with those bare boobs and all that skin-on-skin contact from women way out of his league. For your average working guy, replace that elegant watercraft with a bass boat and those models with fat guys carrying rods and coolers filled with PBRs and when he gets home, he's still going to be walking on eggshells for a day or two and be extra strength helpful around the house just to pay for his time off the clock. This guy has a smoke like Erica Pelosini asking him to forgive her for the free titty show she gave him. 

What a life. How the people of the UK continue to allow themselves to get scammed by these freeloaders is unfathomable me. All I can do is regret that my ancestors didn't have the energy to put down the pints and the pipes, get off their asses and conquer some land in Ireland so that maybe I'd be getting a piece of this royalty action.