Kofi Is Coming Back To Illinois After Entering The Transfer Portal And Shaving A Collective 5 Million Years Off Human Lives

I’ll eat my shit. I said this guy can kick rocks when he went into the transfer portal. I think it sucks when you consider the blatant corruption across college basketball. There’s unnecessary stress. I’m not exaggerating the 5 million years. Some people are probably dead already. Couldn’t handle another announcement from a guy currently on scholarship.

Personally I’m thrilled to eat my own shit. Make no mistake. This motherfucker is one of the best players in college basketball. Absolute unit in the post that completely changes the dynamic of every game against every team except Loyola in the 2nd round. Whatever. I’m already over it.

Spin zone. Kofi did this to make us forget about Loyola. We haven’t been talking heartbreak at all. Just dialed into the recruiting news and all that shit. Back where we belong in the message boards. Feels so good.

Shoutout to whoever ponied up the cash. We don’t have to go on record but you’re out there in the alumni base (allegedly). We owe you. Probably an ATO.

All bullshit aside thank fucking God. I needed this so bad. Welcome home king.

Ps. I’m at a wedding right now. Black tie in Newport Rhode Island. I look pretty decent for a guy with issues. Place is nice