An Unopened Super Mario 64 Game Somehow Just Sold For A Record 1.56 MILLION DOLLARS

AP- An unopened copy of Nintendo’s Super Mario 64 has sold at auction for $1.56 million. Heritage Auctions in Dallas said that the 1996 game sold Sunday, breaking its previous record price for the sale of a single video game. A spokesman did not immediately respond to an inquiry about who purchased the game.

The sale follows an unopened copy of Nintendo’s The Legend of Zelda selling at auction Friday for $870,000. Valarie McLeckie, Heritage’s video game specialist, said the auction house was shocked to see a game sell for more than a $1 million two days after the Zelda game broke its past record.

Excuse me for a second, I have to go back in time to deliver a message to myself for doing something as CRAZY as opening up my video games and playing with them:

I have stopped trying to figure out what the fuck the worth of anything is these days considering some of the companies I thought were ready to die became the hottest stocks of 2021 and the mere thought of all things crypto still makes my brain cramp. So I won't try to figure out how all these dollars make sense (sweet pun, Clem) and instead tip my cap to the person that sold a video game I figure would be $5 at a flea market for one and a half motherfucking dollars as well as the person that was able to amass enough straight cash homie to spend it on a game that is 25 years old that isn't even close to the best Mario game ever with Super Mario World and Mario 3 at the very least both being clearly superior not to mention Mario Kart being the best game with Mario in it as well as the greatest video game franchise in the history of the planet.

Sorry, I lost myself in my video games feelings for a minute. Anyway, the one thing I will say is that it feels right that Mario now sits on the throne for most expensive game ever sold. Link ain't no slouch, but Mario killed too many Koopa Troopas, saved Princess Peach's fine ass wayyyyyy too many times, and put Nintendo on his back playing every competitive sport known to man to not be the most expensive game ever. Add in that every video games documentary I've ever seen tells me that Mario is the one that brought the video game industry back from the grave filled with ET Atari games. So it's only fitting that the mustachioed one wears the crown.

Long live the king.