Try Not To Puke But This Is The Dude That Was Allegedly Stuffing Julianna Zobrist

When you hear a story like Julianna Zobrist opening it up for the family pastor behind closed doors, you expect a heartthrob. You expect a lean, young, vibrant dude that lays pipe. You don't picture a flavor saving soul patch and sunken dead eyes layered in discount mascara. You don't think of Fall Out Boy level eyebrows and a salt-n-pepper Abercrombie comb over. You think of a guy that knows how to seamlessly engineer an orgasm and a good old fashioned squirt. 

Well fellas I regret to inform you that Byron Yawn does not meet this appearance. I'm not discrediting his familiarity with your girl's clit I'm just saying this does not appear to be a man that you should fear. For all intents and purposes this guy is a total pussy. 

But to be honest that's where the biggest snakes lay in the grass. It's the soft-spoken, god-fearing, salvation-seeking scumbags that you have to watch out for. Guys that tell you to take a long vacation to clear your head then they sneak into the bedroom and clear a load. All the while you're at a Holiday Inn Express reading over the book of Genesis just for a little pick me up. The whole thing is disgusting. 

Nice thing is you know that if there's a hell, this guy is going there for eternity. You don't sandbag our 2nd baseman's marriage in the 4th quarter of his career and expect to live free and clear eternally. Not on my watch. Not with this doughy boner sabotaging people's lives so he can feel better about an unfulfilled childhood.

Maybe call your dad. He probably hates your fucking guts Byron based on the fact he named you Byron. But at least that's a decent place to start. 

Sorry Ben.