If You Live In This English Town Where Frozen Shit (Poop) Fell Out Of The Sky, You Got No Option But To Straight Up Move

[Source] - TERRIFIED locals have told how they feared the worst after a huge block of frozen POO "fell from the sky".

Pals Lisa Boyd and Louise Browne dashed from their homes on Monday night after hearing a huge thud outside.

Residents are convinced that the ice came from a plane’s loo flying 35,000ft overhead as it revealed an unpleasant surprise as it melted. A terrible pong filled the air and when they looked closer, they could see human faeces and toilet paper.

Lisa revealed: "Where the ice had melted, there were faeces on the path.

"I bagged it up because it was slap bang in the middle of the footpath."

It doesn't get worse than this right? Frozen shit falling from the sky, landing all over your stuff. That's not good for anyone involved. That's why - and I don't mean to directly tell these people what to do - they have one option and one option only. You sell your house and move. You can't know you're in line of at least 1 aircraft flying over and potentially letting more poop fall down from the sky. I can't be the only one who would have an irrational fear of walking along the street and getting bombarded by frozen poop. You need to move. You have to move. 

How about the hero here? Lisa. Out there bagging up the feces because it's in the middle of the sidewalk, err footpath. I can't tell if I like the British words better or not, but footpath is a good one. I actually love the saying it was slap bang in the middle of the footpath. That's a good ass saying. Might have to start using that one if I see something on the sidewalk. But she's the hero here. Zero shot in hell I'm taking the initiative to pick up shit. It's not mine, it's not my kid's and it's not my dog's. That's a police problem now. I'm calling it in like a crime scene. 

I just can't imagine a more defeated feeling than hearing a noise, going to investigate and realizing you got pelted with frozen shit. That's just, I mean that's not good for anyone. Every time you hear some noise like that you just immediately think poop. Gotta move. Only option.