The Chinese Rocket That Was Plummeting Towards Earth Crash Landed In The Indian Ocean Near The Maldives Like An Absolute Pussy

Friday:

Last Night:

STR. Getty Images.

CNN- An out-of-control Chinese rocket plunged out of orbit Saturday night ET and reentered Earth's atmosphere, according to China's space agency. The Long March 5B carrier rocket had an estimated landing area of 72.47°E longitude and 2.65°N latitude, just west of the Maldives in the Indian Ocean, China's National Space Agency said in a post on WeChat.

Most of the rocket was "destroyed" on reentry to the atmosphere, the space agency said The rocket, which is about 108 feet tall and weighs nearly 40,000 pounds, had launched a piece of a new Chinese space station into orbit on April 29. After its fuel was spent, the rocket had been left to hurtle through space uncontrolled until Earth's gravity dragged it back to the ground.

BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! It's not often that I'm awake past midnight these days since I am old as fuck and have two young kids that make me feel even older. But the excitement that comes with my beloved Metropolitans potentially getting into a fight or discovering animals in the Citi Field tunnel, a championship boxing match, and the 2nd richest person in the world potentially making a bunch of people I know rich while hosting SNL had my brain working overtime. So I was hoping we would get some sort of cherry on the top with this Chinese rocket crash landing somewhere cool. 

Instead we get a splashdown in the middle of the Indian Ocean where nobody can see it. What a bunch of malarkey. I wasn't hoping it would land in the middle of a city or some populated place where people could get hurt. But maybe somewhere that has at least one person with an iPhone 7 so we can get some sweet #content of it crashing down on land instead of absolutely mollywhopping some sorry school of fish that had no clue what the fuck was happening. Is that too much for an old blogger to ask?

The fact it landed near the Maldives pisses me off even more because that hunk of junk will be closer to the Maldives than I ever will be. My poor ass didn't even know the Maldives was a real place. I always thought it was a place that Microsoft built for their Windows 98 backgrounds. Like how is this place real life?

Turns out its very real and people with money actually visit it, as do piece of shit Chinese rockets that fall from the sky. Fuck that rocket and fuck the people that can go to nice places like the Maldives whenever they want. I hope the next 10-story, 23-ton Chinese rocket isn't such a bitch and crashes somewhere cool (but nowhere near me, anybody I know/love, you, or any living creature) instead of drinking pina coladas in his own private hut.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to your mom.