After 27 Years Of Marriage, Bill And Melinda Gates Just Became The World's Most Eligible Bachelor and Bachelorette

Holy moly, have mercy on me! While I don't want to shed light on anyone's else's pain, once Melinda is ready, I'd love to take her to the Olive Garden and split a Tour of Italy with her. And yes, I'm paying, because I'm a gentleman. Plus, who knows how much money Melinda will have after the dust settles. Right now she has.....

…divided by 2…carry the 1….subtract the mosquito nets…add the data they're selling to the government from our vaccines….yeah…I think she is now the world's richest woman. Bezos' ex-wife is worth about $60 billion and Melinda could top her.

What is wild to me is that you can be worth $130 billion and you still get divorced like any other schmo on the street. There's gotta be an easier way if you have that much money. Sounds like such a headache. So many houses, properties, investments, etc. I bet they can't even keep track of it. Why doesn't Bill just break her off a cool $10 billion and go their separate ways? What is marriage besides a piece of paper anyway? 

And yoooo…Bill is about to GET LOOSE. He's 65 and ready to boogie. I bet he saw that picture of Bezos and Lizzo and was like "shit, I want in". Cannot imagine the smokes Billy G is about to run through, it's gonna be like Jeter in his prime. Can't wait to see him and Dave at a table together in Miami. 2021- the Summer of Gates.

And Melinda, hit me up. Never ending breadsticks are the real deal.